2013-07-31

16:40h - 17:01h:

My primary homepage http://www.lukasgirtanner.com (and with it my blog at http://lukasgirtanner.com/index.php?title=Lukas_Girtanner%27s_blog ) is online again. The issue was resolved very quickly. The support staff explained to me that the reason why lukasgirtanner.com went down was that something with the versions of the software went wrong in March 2013.

Now, I still have to think about how to move the page from lukasgirtanner.com to lukasgirtanner.info. No idea how to do that, I tried it already once, but it didn't work out. I am also not sure who to ask, somebody from the hosting company or the domain registrar staff?

I also found the website http://billgaede.hubpages.com (via http://www.yourwebsite.com/www.lukasgirtanner.com/, and this page probably after a Google search for the keyword "lukasgirtanner.com", but I am unsure, I couldn't repeat the search). What Bill Gaede writes (I read the article about teacher authority and technology (and even intelligence) as a problem not as a solution) is certainly interesting and I will try to develop an own opinion of it. I already began writing about it, but it is better to think/reflect first after having read something as new as this criticism of the mathematical method in physics. But I will almost certainly not be able to move beyond any speculation how this issue might be resolved.

2013-07-30

15:05h - 15:08h: I just logged into my hosting account and got the message that the server that hosts my account is experiencing problems at this moment. I hope that the server will be running again soon. Maybe I will have to write a support ticket, but I am waiting until tomorrow, maybe the problems are resolved until tomorrow.

15:08h - 15:12h: I also discovered today in the Wikipedia (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mathematics_education and especially its section "Methods") that there are several paradigms of teaching mathematics, so it is disputed which is the best way to teach mathematics. Maybe all of these approaches have their advantages and it would be best to simply teach much more mathematics so that the advantages of all paradigms can improve the mathematical knowledge of children. One should also not forget that some children might prefer one method over the other, so a certain degree of individualization might also be necessary (which again shows the importance of self-tuition with software that should cover the whole range of paradigms).

15:59h - 16:03h: Also an issue is the copyright. I will have to think again about the copyright, especially after I today read the page http://wiki.creativecommons.org/Before_Licensing and especially the section "What if I change my mind?" when I realized that it is not possible to retroactively change such a license. One problem is whether to allow modifications (and if yes, how exactly (providing the original source too)), another (financial) issue is whether any copyright should be granted at all (apart from sufficiently short quotations). Until now, I thought that it would be possible to revoke a copyright too, but this is not possible as I have read now. Maybe, the best idea is to additionally host all content on free websites too, so that the likelihood that they are once lost is reduced (compared to hosting them only on a paid website). A special case might be the Internet archive that possibly needs a clear copyright situation to make an archive copy of a website (This was also the reason why I bumped into that issue again, because I did a Google search on "lukasgirtannercom" and found the tag "unknowncopyright".) but I would have to inform myself first about it. But what I am certainly aware of is that copyrighting my own texts would probably seem really dislikable for a lot of people. It might also be an obstacle to the spread of my ideas. Again, I am open for suggestions what in my particular case would be best, I am not sure myself at the moment.

16:21h - 16:25h: I just realized that on June 2nd, 2013, Archive.org tried to access the website, but because the server was down, no content could be retrieved. That's a pity because I was really looking forward to get my content into this archive, especially since these visits by the Archive.org's Wayback Machine were so rare. So I can only hope that the database itself will not be lost, maybe I can copy the pages manually after the website goes online again, at least until there is another (probably automatic) visit by the Wayback Machine.

16:28h - 16:40h: So, in terms of copyright, it is probably best to switch to a conventional copyright except for archiving websites like Archive.org (and, of course, search engines), at least as long as I have no conversations at all with real people about my website and how to improve/clarify/specify its copyright. Maybe it would then be best to bilaterally define a copyright. Or is that too complicated and unjust (some kind of "oppressive contract" (sorry for the word))? I am not sure. But in any case, it is best to wait for people to message me. And as long that this doesn't happen, I will probably stick to a conventional copyright as it is. As long as quoting (not too long) and especially commenting on such quotes is still possible, I would/should be content. And if long(er) quotes (for longer comments) are necessary respectively make sense, I could still agree respectively negotiate after having been contacted.

16:41h - 16:44h: Sorry that this copyright sermon has become so long. If people tell me that I am on the wrong track with my ideas about copyright, I would be willing to adapt to their wishes. But personal contact is essential, in my opinion, both generally and also specifically in the context of defining the best form of copyright.

16:44h - 16:59h: There was an interruption when uploading the text ("An error occurred while trying to save or publish you post. Please try again."). Possibly exactly because I wrote too much and possibly also not likable enough about the issue of copyright. Maybe it was because of the word "oppressive contract". Oppression is never good, I will have to write about that in a more general political context (the reason why I have stayed relatively silent so far is that a lot of people have already written about it (the general political issues like animal rights, migrant rights, worker's rights, indigenous rights, gender equality, LBGTIQ rights, children's rights, human rights, just to name a few spontaneously (the order is a little bit chaotic, I remembered it in this order, but actually, children's rights and human rights should immediately be listed after "animal rights"; possibly "plant rights" should also be listed, maybe even more lifeforms, all lifeforms, at least if not even more; "disability rights" I forgot, and possibly more, equality of people regardless of their looks ("anti-lookism"), racial equality, and so on; but on the other hand, I am also aware that people have duties, for example trying to contribute as much as possible in a positive way to the community one is in)) and that it is clear anyway, if you are a decent human being, you are against any sort of oppression (but I have to admit that probably still in 2010, I was not aware of that, at least not enough.)). So, no oppressive contract, definitely not... So, as far as oppression is concerned, the question is how to accept that some people are oppressing other people and, most importantly, not to be or become one of the oppressors oneself, also not on a small scale; stick to one's own strict rules. This is exactly my problem at the moment and I am really concerned with it: I am eating meat. Yes, I am (still) eating meat and this is really, really wrong, especially after one has realized how wrong it is, but I am still doing it because my mother cooks/offers/buys it and as long as I am living with my mother, it is (too) difficult to saying no. So, maybe I should hurry to finally live among people who don't eat meat. But where to go? Maybe in the next big city, there are people who live as correctly as possible, but how to get a place to stay at them constantly, they have probably not enough room. So, again, I have to think about the copyright because maybe that's really a mistake of still (respectively again) have such a strict copyright, but I can be talked with, it is possible to influence me, especially in this regard, and actually, I already now see that my present copyright stance might be really wrong.

17:12h: What I forgot was discrimination based on religion, origin, (nationality,) age, occupational status and way of living (for example nomadic or homeless lifestyles), wealth or the whole issue of unjust privileges of the long-established (from which I am profiting also a lot, otherwise, I wouldn't have such a high governmental pension, this is an unwritten rule, especially in the country I am living in, but probably everywhere, but that's actually another topic because in some way, I am also really disabled, I was just lucky enough to be born and grow up in the right country). There are so many ways of treating people let alone animals (and plants) in an unjust way. But the most important thing is to individually try to make a positive difference, not (only) to become set (too much) on injustices, but to change to the more positive what is within one's reach/limits. And that is exactly what I have to work on, where I am particularly bad. Writing on a website is not enough, it is a really one-sided contribution, so I (will) have to contribute also more concretely to the community I am in. (I have concrete ideas of engaging myself more in the community I am in (working something, connecting to people, not being as isolated as I am now) and this makes also sense from the viewpoint that writing on this (or another) website will one day not make much sense anymore because so much will have been said/written.)

17:42h - 17:52h (and also later on, I didn't write down the exact time, it was probably around 21:30h until 22:00h because my mother returned; and then again at around 22:30h until 23:00h approximately):
Maybe I will start my biography now, it is about time, I always announced (but also constantly postponed) it:
1979: Born in November 1979.
1979 - 1996: A relatively happy and well-cared / looked after childhood, at least materially, I was a relatively spoiled child (but without any computer science or electrical engineering or mathematics tuition besides what school offered), and also emotionally, things could have been worse. In summer 1993, I began to attend the gymnasium (also called "cantonal school" or "middle school"). After summer 1995, I had to choose a profile and I chose the profile with ancient European languages, Latin and Old Greek.
1996 - 2000: Gradually increasing but never outspoken discontent with my life. During these years (probably between 1997 or 1998 and 1999), I also attended a course in astrology together with my mother which I concluded as a qualified astrologer. (This diploma also enabled me to write a newspaper article about astrology that can still be found on the Internet (in German language).)
January 2000: Concluding the cantonal school with the matura with the final examination which I passed with a very good grade. The mean of all my marks that were counting was 5.77 (out of a range of 6 for the best possible mark and 1 for the worst mark). But at the same time, I was relatively burnt out. Had the gymnasium lasted much longer, the inner problems that I already had would probably have erupted more and more. But the gymnasium ended and everything seemed fine and in order on the outside, although probably some teachers were still aware that I had changed somehow and that I was no longer the lighthearted boy or youngster (early teenager) that I once was. What especially preoccupied me was my self-perceived lack of success at the opposite sex to which I was attracted. What aggravated the situation was that I was relatively selective (but more about that later).
2000 - 2004: Intermittently trying to study several subjects at various universities. Increasingly dissatisfied, increasingly outspoken at least in my family about my problems, attending sessions at several psychiatrists since 2000; first website (a very naive, political website, just from the perspective that I had then) in 2003 and 2004.
2004: Some health problems (that seemed more serious) for the first time, interruption of my university studies in April 2004 (until 2006), first stay in a psychiatric hospital in November 2004, refusal to take antipsychotic medication (which the hospital staff allowed/granted because my behavior was not clearly what is called "psychotic").
2004 - 2006: Complete interruption of my university studies after health problems aggravate even more in January 2005.
2006: Second website, writing of the website philosowiki.org with ideas that in modified form I still partially have, but still very immature and also latently antisocial; no awareness of the importance of mathematics, no awareness of the importance of restricting one's own desires and wishes.
2006 - 2010: Further attempts to study at the university, coming to an end in March 2010, first computer science courses at the university (and also successfully concluding four of them).
Between March and May 2009, I made the acquaintance with a very important person at the university, I will have to write a lot about this encounter (whose name I will not / cannot reveal/name/mention). This person was probably involved at a later stage behind the scenes and the conversation with this person was also instrumental in my becoming focused on mathematics. All in all, this person probably had a very good and necessary influence on my life (until now).
2010: After aggravated health problems in March 2010, I encountered for the first time people who I didn't know and who didn't fit into the surroundings were they were (very close to where I lived) but who were clearly there because of me (in May 2010); writing of the third website lukasgirtanner.com in May and June 2010 under considerable stress and the impression that intelligence agencies were closely monitoring me (which was probably indeed the case, but I misinterpreted it; retrospectively, I would assess the situation slightly differently than then; again, I probably have to be lucky to have been in the right country), while still being only very remotely aware of the true extent of environmental destruction and injustices among humans; still not fully aware of the importance of mathematics and the complex interconnection of mathematics with the natural sciences and engineering (and also personally being not humble at all), so I made again mistakes when writing the page lukasgirtanner.com, this page was written at least partially with a wrong spirit initially (but still, on the other hand, I really genuinely "believed" in mathematics in a very strong way, this is especially retrospectively really astonishing).
2011 - 2012 / 2013: to be continued (but in short, in summer 2011, my imagination began to truly "take off" and this feeling only subsided after several stays in a psychiatric hospital, including taking high doses of antipsychotics.) Amendment between 23:29h and 23:43h: In summer 2011, I began to feel an overwhelming love energy, combined with truly intrinsic regret about my attitudes in the past and this love energy increased from day to day. From around September 20 (I have to look up the exact date, it was a Saturday), I began even to have the impression that my thoughts are transmitted to some kind of hidden/unknown "love network" of people that was around me whose goal was to bring humanity back on the right track. This love feeling ended after the first week of October 2011, but repercussions of it continued until the end of December 2011 and also for one last time in the second half of June 2012 (this was also the time when I continued writing on this blog here, see the entries below) which lead to another stay in a psychiatric hospital, the last so far. (In September 2012, a very unfortunate incident happened when I was cycling, I inhaled a lot of motorcycle exhaust fumes which seriously affected my brain, I have lost the sharpness of my memory since then.) Since summer 2012, I have (again, like in 2011) spent a lot of time reading news websites in order to inform myself how the world "works" and also in order to consolidate my worldview. I hope that this worldview won't change anymore from now on, but I am not sure. But I am certainly aware of the importance of personal ethics and trying to avoid damaging any other lifeforms or entities in life (because of that, I also again see the importance of mathematics because it is a purely non-material science) and my personal ethics has consolidated in this regard, partially already because of the love experience in 2011 (and also second half of June 2012, although the love energy was a little bit weaker than still in 2011) where my inner attitudes changed in a stressful but pleasant (love is very pleasant, although it might be painful too and in my case, it was almost always accompanied by sad/regretting/longing emotions) way and also by reading news websites. So, a lot of parentheses, I hope I will be able to write about this time soon in more depth. End of the amendment between 23:29h and 23:43h.
This biography will become/turn out relatively long because I will be writing on it whenever I remember something. (The biography is also important to understand why I am focused so much on mathematics despite not being a mathematician and never having studied the subject in depth at a university). I will write down everything that I still remember (and I have forgotten a lot, too much, but without having forgotten so much, it would probably not be possible to begin to write anything). The most important point is probably that I am in some way a very simple person of limited intelligence that is not able to represent the importance of mathematics education and that even at least one other person was needed to make sufficiently clear to me the importance of mathematics.

(My mother wanted me to go eating the food she cooked, so I had to interrupt my writing at my biography at some point, and continued later on in the first part of the biography. There will probably be a short version of my biography and a long one, with all details that I still remember. It's a pity that the intermediate steps are not saved here as it is the case in a wiki.)

2013-07-29

Blog of 29th of July 2013:

(These first sections were written approximately between 6 PM and 7 PM:)

I have to pull myself together and finally/at last continue to write on lukasgirtanner.com (respectively under the new domain lukasgirtanner.info). I am aware that my website lukasgirtanner.com has been inaccessible for several months. I was unable to look after this issue. The only thing that I did was to check whether the database still exists and it still exists, so I was reassured. In the next days, I will have to find out how to reactivate my website lukasgirtanner.com, possibly under the new domain lukasgirtanner.info (which I already own). I will also have to find out how I can change the title of this blog here so that the current year (2013) is included too. But as soon as my main website is online again, I will continue to write my blog there. Very important will be that I re-focus on mathematics. The other "supernatural stuff" and my biography (which I still will have to write) might have to be separated as much as possible from it.

I also have to be enormously grateful for the huge amount of governmental money (I will have to check how much it exactly is, it is around 3500 Swiss francs every month, all in all, but one has to take into account that living costs are also high here) keeps coming/rolling in every month because of my disability pension. Because of this money, I can stay at my mother's home because I can pay her the rent. (The diagnosis onto which the disability allowance is based is "paranoid schizophrenia", but I am unsure if the term "schizophrenia" really applies to me respectively whether such terms such be applied at all to any person. The only fact is that I have heard voices and I still hear them occasionally, but why should this automatically mean that one is abnormal in some distinct or clearly definable way? But still, I am really grateful for the money (disability allowance/benefit) that I receive. (The text in the parentheses was added between 19:36h and 19:41h.))

What I have been doing all these days (during several months):

- taking medication every day (I partially switched to Abilify, so I am taking Zyprexa and Abilify at the moment)

- browsing websites, especially the websites of newspapers (in German and English) in order to understand the world better

- lying in bed a lot also during daytime (too much, this has to change again)

- thinking a lot how to (re)start my website and what to write there

I am also aware that I probably gave the impression of being quite an unreliable person because I didn't immediately hurry to put my website lukasgirtanner.com back on the Internet after it went offline. Furthermore, I also didn't hurry to make at least one explanatory statement here why my website was offline. The reason for that was that I was simply too much depressed and also in some way overwhelmed by the insight how much my worldview has changed in the last years, so I didn't want to make a mistake by writing again something that I later on would regret or at least no longer advocate.

Also a possibility might be to change the name of "babieslearnbetter" to "lukasgirtannersblog" or "blogoflukasgirtanner" or simply "lukasgirtanner". Unless I am mistaken, it is (or it has now become) possible to retrospectively change the subdomain (what is written to the left of the actual domain name "blogger.com").

Also a reason why I didn't restore the website lukasgirtanner.com immediately was that I felt quite alone (and demotivated) because I never received any spontaneous e-mail so far about my website and also the Facebook group https://www.facebook.com/lukasgirtannercom that I founded in March 2012 still has not any followers/"likes" yet (except my own "like"). So, I was not sure whether respectively to what extent people read what I write and also if what I have written makes at least some sense to the readers. (The last sentence in this section here and two words in the first sentence were added later in the evening, between around 22:00h and 22:03h.)

I am also looking forward for the new Lego Mindstorms robots (Lego Mindstorms Education EV3) that will soon be available. I will probably buy one set and try to do robotics with it.

Additional note (19:04h): I just changed the name/title of this blog here and added "and July 2013" at the title's ending (after I found out how to do it).

Additional note (19:06h): My mother has just realized that I have continued writing on my blog and she is not delighted at all. For a couple of minutes, she was ranting at me, and now, she is upstairs cooking dinner. She would prefer if I focused more on continuing my university studies which I only do half-heartedly (she would prefer that I do it full-heartedly). At the moment, it is also unclear which studies I should exactly follow: Either, I try to pass the exam that I failed in June 2012 a second time, or I change my major subject to educational science and/or I begin studies at a distance university, then probably educational science.
But still, what I would really like to do is an education that is practically oriented on how to teach best the subjects of computer science and electrical engineering (and possibly mathematics) to children. But such an education (academic training) unfortunately is not available, at least not in Europe let alone in the German-speaking part of Europe (where university fees are also low enough to be affordable). But now, I again wrote about this university stuff, I should write more about what really interests me (although my mother wants me to focus on a university education exclusively, so I will have to make a compromise).

Additional note (19:21h - 19:28h): My heart is no aching a little bit and I have a strange feeling in my head, as if I had something like a mini-stroke. This feeling began after my mother began to scold me. This strange feeling at the moment in my head (I hope that it will subside) just shows in what a frail state my health really is. (The reason why this strange feeling in my heart and head began was also that I had not drunken enough water, so my heart was more prone to reacting like that.) By the way, I have also become heavily overweight in the last months, unfortunately, I weigh 94 kilograms (207 pounds/lb) at the moment. I will have to think how I can lose weight in the future. My mother has urged me that I attend nutrition counseling and I will do that. The most effective way of losing weight is probably just to eat a lot less and remain constantly a little bit hungry. Unfortunately, I was not disciplined enough in the past, so I always overate. This is also in some way a sign of a weakness of character from which I unfortunately suffer.

19:28h - 19:30h: But I am grateful that I am at least still able to write in English, this is no a matter of course, especially after such a long break. Initially, I was unsure if I would be really able to write in English in the way I was still able in 2006 and 2010, but it seems to be in good working order.

19:33h - 19:35h: I just realized that I had written a wrong title for today's blog entry, it was "2013-07-13" instead of "2013-07-29" in the beginning, I don't know why it happened, I have corrected it now.

21:07h - 21:11h: I just moved this blog here from the old/previous address http://www.babieslearnbetter.blogspot.com to this new address here, http://www.lukasgirtannersblog.blogspot.com. It was about high time. Actually, I wanted to move to "lukasgirtanner.blogspot.com", but this address was already occupied (by another blog of mine). I might move this blog here again, switch with the other "lukasgirtanner", but this has time. Yes, I will probably move/switch the two blogs because "...blog.blogspot" on my main blog looks a little bit awkward. (And "babieslearnbetter" should really by reserved for educational issues and not my personal blog.)

21:23h - 21:25h: I now switched the two blog URLs/addresses. The main blog (this blog here) (although, actually, my main blog would be under lukasgirtanner.com, but I will have to bring this website online first) has now the address lukasgirtanner.blogspot.com, while the previous address (that was never used) lukasgirtannersblog.blogspot.com is now just reserved as a blog subdomain, but without any entries/pages.

21:47h - 21:54h: I have now copy-pasted text that I found at https://www.facebook.com/lukasgirtannercom onto the page babieslearnbetter.blogspot.com, this seems to make sense especially as long as the page lukasgirtanner.com (respectively hopefully lukasgirtanner.info) is still offline. I have also realized that the page https://www.facebook.com/lukasgirtannercom is not among the search results for "lukas girtanner facebook", probably because lukasgirtannercom is written in one single word and it is not recognized/connected as a "lukas girtanner" topic. Maybe I will try "lukas-girtanner-info" when I open the new community page for the .info-website.

22:10h: What is really strange in some way is that I never (or at least not fully) read through what I wrote myself, especially not on http://www.lukasgirtanner.blogspot.com.

(Below follows the shortened version in German, only a small part (the beginning, actually) from the text above is translated respectively I began writing in German but switched to English afterwards, not writing on the German version anymore:)

Ich muss mich jetzt zusammenreissen und endlich wieder an meiner Webseite lukasgirtanner.com weiterschreiben (bzw. unter meiner neuen Domain lukasgirtanner.info). Das einzige, was ich bislang tat, war, zu überprüfen, ob die MySQL-Datenbank, welche das Mediawiki unter lukasgirtanner.com hostet, immer noch existiert und die Datenbank existiert immer noch, zum Glück. Ich muss dann auch noch herausfinden, wie ich diesen Titel "Lukas Girtanner's blog of 2011 - 2012" ändern kann. Ich möchte mich auch sehr für das viele Geld bedanken, welches ich jeden Monat von der Invalidenversicherung erhalte, ungefähr 3500 Franken, die genaue Summe müsste ich nochmals nachschauen bzw. die genaue Summer schreibe ich hier auch nicht hin, auch wenn ich sie weiss.

2012-06-14

11:20: Ok, ok, I admit it. Sorry, I was not humble enough. I made mistakes. Too much mindset switching. So, I have to take the best out of every stage. Stage (time period) one ended on the 7th October, stage (time period) two on the 21th of December and stage (time period) three yesterday respectively early this morning.

And there are still two things that I haven't told. Or did I tell the other thing already somewhere? But You know it anyway. Or should I write "you"? The question is if I would have realized what I realized this morning also without the help. Or was it really help? The problem was that I still had, even in the autumn 2011 experience before the 7th of October some old stuff that was wrong with it. I was not able to get rid of it respectively see that it is clearly not humble.

And the biggest mistake of the day before yesterday was that I questioned if God might also be committed to something else than love. One can have such a thought, but one should immediately dismiss it, especially if one has such an intuition like I had it. Or maybe, I was not humble enough and because of that, I wrote it in an uncontrolled way.

And it is also clear that I am "trapped". We all are "trapped". But fortunately in a "system" of love and not in a system of something else. "Trapped" is the wrong expression. Because one only has the feeling that one is trapped when one is suffering to a varying degree (there might also be neither suffering but also not much love, then it is just an ordinary life, like I had it until maybe the age of 16). (But the more wrong things one does, the more one will have to compensate for it.) The word "trapped" still somehow applies in terms because one has to live. Possibly eternally. And this is really fundamental. That this life is ultimately so good that it is. God is good.
Because if .. would not be good, .. would not allow any moments of love. Maybe one moment of full (sufficient? absolute?) love is sufficient to make the whole system good/righteous. (the voices on the left back tell me that what I wrote here was bad; yes, they have returned somehow, astonishing...). But You knew everything already. Only one little thing, from last night, probably not yet. Or you only guess it. But actually, I am also only feeling it intuitively, I have no scientific/objective proof. It is somehow an issue of credibility, so intuitive.

Strange accompanying feelings now, but don't talk about it. I hope or have trust that everything is or will be fine.

A crow just . Maybe it told me that I should have waited. Very strange, that a crow is reacting to something . Now, don't look down on the crow, don't look down. Help, pray..."

Luckily, I did not upload it. It would have be too much one-sided. Respectively, actually, it is true. But there is potential, luckily. Or only maybe? "Don't say such things in such a way..."

Very strange is that "    " (but not really this feeling at the moment, unfortunately) knows how we are. And this makes us humble. Or "how we are" only "probably", "hopefully" (would be a huge new topic)? "don't upload it now, allow time. we are logging anyway. and even if not, don't upload it. maybe delete it. wait."

"Maybe - have now at least one friend. A real friend. Or not yet."

"You always give too much substance. You have to learn that. Or maybe it is me who is wrong."

I only realize it now that there was such a tremendous love in this sacrifice.

11:58 (ca.): "But hierarchically, it was wrong to leave. - should have stayed there." (but the decision finally was mainly (and actually only) because I didn't want to repeat the same mistake like when I entered it the third time. It was humans against me (but some kind of naja...) and and especially this animal.

"You have to run, Lukas. Because God is angry at us. And at you to, somehow. (Maybe especially? or against everybody equally? or me less? complicated? ultimately, it is probably not anger, but love, the same love for every "    " or "entity". (and what about mathematics? stop here. wrong. delete it. we have it.))

Sorry, now, - just injured a person, the "boss" (but not the other boss, hehe ;-) ), accidentally, I was hochmütig, hochmüätig und deschtruktiv.

"Now you have lost friends or a friend. If you ever had one." (or not? partially? a partial friend?) should - write this with ;-)? no, better not. the problem is too fundamental. and it is not a matter of course (dieser Ausdruck erinnert mich an etwas) that nothing much more serious happened before. and - don't write further here.

"Run, Lukas, run. upload it into preview. waiting would be necessary, but be quick." "compromise w

Now, very strange, wanting to upload it and then not upload it again. and again the strange feeling of being "überfordert" (overbeared) and because of that unfortuantely (as it also happened in autumn 2011, but this is sad... don't write further... (and don't write the other word (sorry for the s)) also negative feelings.

"Support from outside" (but don't specify it; better to write in a technical and unclear way.) (and i i p o b h, n b s c, y...).

a thought that - don't write. (- for safety, a long issue.)

what - wanted to actually write: "bringing together the "parkplatz guy" and the animal. "the animal", absurd... (and now, upload it immediately, before developing too much schwankungen/changes, too destructive.)

and now, upload it into "update", but "with humbleness". and now not "griminell" (in a very serious, horrible way).

Now, dogs and birds are somehow "giving different "signals" (absurd), "hints". But the     loves too. maybe even more. probably..

The substances are/were probably so high because of time pressure. Or more precisely (unfortunately) because of nonlinearity. But I am ready/willing to fill the bottles again at my sink at home.

aha, maybe the bottle was not the mcdonalds bottle, but the water from home? - didn't think at all about that, - didn't expect it. but it was probably right.

sorry for the OK, Ok. (luckiily, - missed the link.)

12:21h (not so important actually, just because - hesitated uploading in a strange way): "now, bringing everybody together." (or this will be; at the moment still too early; no accompanying emotion, but - have to tell it. "This will be, this is the issue."
(no, don't update it (or was it a mistake of not continuing above? again, the need of a time-specific keylogger... but - am repeating myself (is this correct English (respectively the "standardized stuff" (was it iso?), hehe; absurd...)? (- have lost overview over the brackets, but not so important. and the sentence is also not completed, I wanted to write more about the updating struggle, but too complicated/(complex?)fast; "now, a woman came and I reacted positively, but go away, please... but thank you for coming" (but not in the way like in autumn 2011; but "schwamm drüber, forgive, too" (too complicated (and again time stamps of keystrokes would be necessary because of the order of the various "blocks"/Abschnitte in German, "Abschnitt" in Swiss German)))
(but yes, also every language, (don't write further, not the time now; because there is a but).

"still, don't upload it. don't upload it now." (but now into preview..)

"You are demüätling ("humbleling"), Lukas, we don't like you anymore." "we are disappointed. or concerned".

Now, a very strange decision, actually - wanted to write further and not even , too complicated, everything too fast now. even something forgotten. probably uploading in "stages". and at the same time (and this is the problem), the upload into preview might be necessary because - don't have certainty about keylogging with exact timestamps. so, - (precaution) usually (why usually, forgotten?), so, - upload into preview although - don't feel like it.

"feel free, Lukas, sometimes, feel free because you cannot be faster  (and now, update ("update" with capital letters) it.) (but this was at the edge of writing it; a little too much freedom.)

unheimlich, a crow.

and sorry for the mouse movements, but actually it doesn't matter anymore. (- wanted to delete it, but - keep it. entspannung. transparency... somehow absurd...)

because what - really wanted to write was actually that - again want to thank for "all the effort". and it is somehow very, very, extremely actually, unjust (- also thought ("thought", but with love...) about that in autumn 2011; but forgive, forgive.. forgive us... (the "us" is necessary because of not "demüätlän"); but at the same time, be aware of... how to describe it... "our abilities", or the amazing luck that nothing seriously ever happened).

"it is now very dangerous. you have to talk to people. immediately. but be careful and self-controlled."

and now UPDATE it! (sorry for the capital letters)

be brave. because if you are wrong, everything is lost. be courageous. trust your intuition (or whatever...) 12:35h

now, three issues (and hurry, hurry):
* "t p" (don't talk about it)
* ...
* "das war auch eine kleine machtdemonstration, "das mit der katze" (vor allem da ich das andere nicht erwähne).

"meeting "the GvC people" again."

"and needing contact as quickly as possible also generally too."

"and slight vertigo now ("because of writing "the GvC people", because of its dislikeability" (because - shouldn't write or "think" in You-terms, but in terms of natural, real groups (but what is a group? this is really, really not my speciality; and potentially also a very dangerous business; no, warning chills, remove it; but upload it into preview first, now) ("now, we are watching you, there is really a video camera; (but the women told it on the right side, can - trust it?)); my mother came and disturbed, she is still here, - still continued writing)), because it is too much, no, not too much, much, no, not even much, just a little bit stressful."

"and if you have forgotten,     will forgive you.

and - injured my mother somehow because - was stubbornly continuing writing. now upload it into preview. but delete the "group thing".   maybe... because it is also a time issue. for now, only preview.

many thoughts now, - should write all of them. but time is an issue. maybe this is the end. - cannot run (write) quickly enough anymore.
just roughly:
* why is/was he away from keyboard (or video camera and microphones everywhere?) will he delete the group thinking?
* an issue ("an issue, love pain, very short, "technical", between "the animal" and my mother; - made a mistake; but - will probably never ever go there again, sigh)
* group thinking; delete it; demüätlä? there was something with demüätlä
* very strange, - forgot one point, but maybe, G w c, f (and love pain now, luckily).

"You have won, Lukas, you are in safety. You can upload it. Upload everything. But not the group stuff." (upload it into preview or not?)

and now, upload it, everything. and hear the music, hear it. update it immediately, immediately, as dangerous as it might be. (und schwindel)

no, - hesitated, - am afraid of destabilization of the system. but upload it into preview, again. ok, preview now.

my mother interrupted me. (actually switching to Swiss German now generally? - began below, but here, after short decision struggles, - continued in English ("tradition", keeping something..., maybe the wrong decision; don't write further here).) she wants that - resolve a technical issue. - felt slightly tortured emotionally. but it set free emotions. and she is beginning to know me more.

and two "deep" thoughts respectively again regret "miär gaats SEER guät" han - gsait. und däbii völlig s'Tiär vägässä.

"and it is unjust that so many people have to suffer without being known." it is unbelievable that in my case, there is something new.

after "know me more", upload it into preview... no, upload it directly... transparency... everything... time is running... no, don't upload it. just into preview. maybe forever preview now or until the situation stabilizes (and - have to do this phone call now, because "she" (my mother) might become angry.) now,  u i i p!

"You have forgotten too much of last night, Lukas. You need to remember" (but why do - hear "You" here? this makes me really humble, tremendous love pain. but there is a problem, a very unheimliche problem... äs unhaimlichs problem. bzw. dass so öppis überhaupt möglich isch...)
nach "You need to remember" nid wiitärschriibä. because this is "new issue". that might come hopefully. and now, a bird (again, for a second time, birdwatching, absurd, Roman times, now even that...) flying again from the right to the left?. maybe a decceleration? very strange. and very strong love pain but also laughter. the first time, - never had that. a very strange mixture of a "technical issue" and "time issue" and even an animal... and some kind of "genuss", stabilization (and now, don't write further, because it gets dangerous, really dangerous, your horoscope; the wrong one probably...) (and now upload it into preview...)

why geklingelt so long? (here, no problem, just a technical issue, so mixture possible...)

yes, the forgotten point above was the "new issue". that will, hopefully, take place. a very strange form of "demüätling". (and now some kind of arrogance (thinking also about women, but with laughter, fortunately, still some childishness, fortunately, some innocence; and now, really don't even THINK further...)

this music is dangerous, Lukas. not the music (necessarily), but constantly listening to it. And you lost the other piece (and even the "Sender"/channel)

(thanks, if it was You.)

then additionally another, new thought...

and then,  unfortunately, for a very short time, an extremely destructive impuls inside me, arrogant destructiveness. maybe now to upload it? no.
it was very short but it revealed how - am. or how - "also" am? (the second is even more unheimlich...) upload it into preview. or not? how much is time pressing? bird, tell me! please, fly! to the left or right...

ok ("ok"), this (was it uploading it into preview; - don't even remember it; but - will upload into preview; although because of the "sign" (be "demüätig" jetzt, don't write it in a technical way, love pain) maybe ... don't w f... and sorry for writing out the first word. (and a very strange feeling of uploading it into preview now... (and the other issue, the new thing, the additional thought...) and the music...; trapped somehow; but still not feeling entirely... no, no stop, it is dangerous, not good. or it might be dangerous or at least "problematic" (absurd, no probably really dangerous), the reason why - don't listen to other music was some kind of fear, but - will now i s o o m) was probably a mistake because - heard the chirp of a bird (but only with the ears; unfortunately, but maybe, it will change again; and now, the earplugs issue, luckily this might have saved - somehow too). but - am not entirely sure if it was a confirmation of not uploading it into "Update" or an encouragement of uploading it.
(sorry for the chirp of a bird, some guys of you probably still don't believe in it but they are "losing power" now. maybe not. but there might some kind of power struggle or at least an opinion struggle.)
(question of whether to write "you" or "You" has reached a new dimension.)

and sorry for continuing in English... maybe really the wrong decision. but - am not in autumn 2011 mood. too technical, everything. but it will change again, - have trust. and hope.

and now (after "uploading it." above), a political issue. but - won't write about it. not the time now. maybe never. no time for it respectively "it will solve itself anyway" (l    ).

now, "you just made a serious mistake" (forgotten, what - wanted to write exactly (but not what - thought); or -? ). sorry, but don't tell THAT!

but the music is/was, now is, able to heal it. it was right piece. the piece number of 3 of the GvC CD4.

and now, relax. and listen. but uploading into preview? yes, some kind of strange "entspannung" where actually normally, a decision struggle would be.

and should - change to Swiss German? maybe really a big mistake. dangerous, dangerous. - realize it only now. maybe it also because - have somehow gotten unused to write Swiss German again, because - had to learn this social science stuff. No, the primary reason is that - feel connected and that is something "foreign" too, probably. but it is probably wrong. so, - will switch. although it might generate complete chaos.
(High German, - am not sure; but maybe writing all three languages (don't talk further here... and you also don't know.)?

and now, suddenly, luckily, when - left the computer, somehow subconsciously, now change to Swiss German, irgändwiä unbewusst, - bi unbewusst wäggangä, han mi entschpannt und - plötzlich an mini fäälär zrugg erinnäräd bzw. an än fäälär. dass i därä frau Frau d'täschä nid abgnoo bzw. früäziitig vo sälbär abgnaa han. (- han in letschtär Ziit (oder doch Zyt?) meermaals draa tänkt). sorry, das isch wägäm Schtress, dass - "Ziit" schriib, passt im Momänt bessär.)
(und vohär bischpälswiis au s'Telefoon z'lang g'lüütä han, wiä d'muetär bemärkt hät. Muetär natürli gross gschribä.)

(but at the same time, - am considering switching back to English.)

the women are now demanding something in an obscure
and the men are also somehow weakly there.

and sorry, Animal (weeping, only short), that - left the place. it was a mistake. because it would have been, in comparison with end of December 2011 (hehe, this you liked ;-) thanks for the s (but this is not the time for it; it just shows how quickly the emotions change; w'lich unhaimlich für uusääschtehändi bzw. für fasch alli bzw. für vili), a purely . don't write further. it is too sad. (and - already told it before (but relatively unimportant, because of that, initially only with first wächslä mittä im satz? buechschtabä (irr irgändwiä; abär ich märks, nid dass Iär mainäd ich/- segi so väwirrt ;-) but again, not the place to write about it (yes, this was the right language choice, because - am not humble enough, so English is more honest. it some kind of "irrsinn"/lunacity with a partially destructive character. also because of the stress and ... don't write further!) (soll ich das mit den Buchstaben noch fertig schreiben? hochdeutsch ist jetzt einfach intuition, es ist so gekommen, weiss auch nicht warum. nein, wechsle zurück auf schweizerdeutsch. bzw. überlege "sehr gut"/genau. da no fertig schriibä. es isch ebä nid ("hehe, - erinnärä - an satz "äs isch ebä nid guet was inä widerfaarä isch" (lach nid drübär, schlimm; und hüt morgä häts ganz danach uusgsee; und au jetzt isches no nid sicher; nai, jetzt erchänn ichs; äs isch letschtlich, letschtän ändis, und vilicht sogar scho zytläbäns (alläs nöi fraagä) egal, wär waiss. was ganz tüüf im unbewusstä passiärt, bi jedäm Mönsch und au zwüschäd dä Mänschä (abwächslig, OK, bessär Mänsch, F., isch nid klar. - brings nur ufä.) jetzt ändli färtig schriibä. au wenns überhaupt nid passt, äs gaat ja, jetzt schtopp, du hettsch bliibä müäsä. aber du häsch warschinli müäsä än ganz schlimmä kompromiss mit dä mönschä machä. oder.... neuä gedankä... n s... (l     s       jetz).

für viele wohl jetzt zu chaotisch. nai, schwyzertüütsch. für vili jetzt wool zu chaotisch. aber eerlich.
w'li isch genau das richtigi richtig ebä. das womä würkli dänkt. und das alles vo geschtär abig (nüüt mee wiitär sägä...)

a lot of chills now. this is really like in ... shall l- write it out? name of a movie series... - remember it, - got (no, n ot as a gift), lended. but like - am, wiän - bin, han -s niä zruggee, z'fuul bzw. z'unschtrukutriärt gsii.

but before, abär vohär (äs mach miär irgändwiä müä, zruggzwächslä), no andäri gedankä (vor däm be writing out the expression? an ordinary guy! (- hear the voices respectively this strange "unifying voice" (that doesn't come from the back, it is somehow "political") in English, very strange). now, listening to the music, demüätlän. too unform in some way...

no, - made a mistake. - thought of somebody and somebody else (initially, - wanted to write something else) (writing out?)

there are probably still guys who think that - have become somehow insane. but it is the right direction. now politics now. and now, don't write further... be th is fu.

th o t a. tänk as t Tiär. wird nid arrogant. du häsch än fäälär gmacht, trotz alläm. odär du hettisch no längär bliibä chönä. vilicht. bisch abär dä muetär Muetär nid diräk hinä här gfaarä, sondärn häsch no möglisch lang

- a n t t h the un v i E (music brach ab). Ich/- väsuäch jetz, di "uniform voices" au in schyzertüütsch z'ghörä.

han än vogäl "zuefälligärwiis" schwach ghöört und sofort dänkt, jetzt muen - balkon uufmachä, damit d'vöglä ändli ghöör. (blöd das brätt. wüssäd Iär überhaupt was - main?)
jetzt jetz gang - nä gogo uufmachä.

a w c i: äs wäschpi isch inächoo. abär äs natüürlichs. nai, nid ;-) schriibä. bzw. d'sach isch luschtig und ärnscht zugliich. s'wäschpi hät nervöös gschinä.

und jetz än ge v... nai, erinnäräd. di gross fraag wird jetz dänn sii, öb - das überhaupt no ufelad. was lööst s'uus? schwirigi entschaidig w'li (sorry, äs bitzli unsympathisch, - müässti vil demüätigär sii.)

you know how - think (approximately), because of that, - didn't "announce"/comment it.

now, other thoughts. but an additional mistake, too much love or () from. Z'vill wärtschätzig, - han druf negativ reagiärt und ainäm ais uf dä deckä gää. sorry. nöd aifach ainäm. irr. "ainäm". "einer". sms an im 2010 (nach juni-juli-auf ufenthalt; hett das "auf"..., egal, detail; odär doch löschä?).

"Lukas, Du dörfsch di nöd (nid?, äs w'li  (mängisch au warschinli schriibä, vor alläm wänn gnuäg ziit, wiä bischpälswiis jetz (odär isch das jetz fasch ächli zu hochmüätig gsii? als ob das so wichtig wär, was - dänk?) nöd gsii) z'fescht in details välüürä (jetzt ändli, schwyzertüütsch, diräkt. puh! ("relief") (das isch d'raiäfolg gsii)

"Das isch rettig in letschtär sekundä gsii, dass uf schwizertüütsch zruggwächsläd häsch" (und jetz ganz än komischä näbägedankä. "unysmpathisch" "irr" nid mee schriibä; Iär wüssäds ee.)

"Du machsch äs guät" (wär sait das wool? Iär wüssäds sichär...;) (irr... mini "beglaitärin" im härbscht 2011 isch au irgändwiä durädrungä/durächoo bzw. si hät sich wiä gmäldät oder - han - wool nur an si erinnäräd (diä ärinnärig a sii persönlich (zwüschdä inä "Lukas, you are too slow..." abär nid uf schwyzertüütsch glücklichärwiis) ersch jetzt bim schriibä; - han urschprünglich öppis andärs i dä chlammärä welä schriibä, drum han -s vohär "vornä" ("nach äm namä, ah nai, dä namä schtaach ja (ebä) nid deet" L      s       jetz) hii gnoo) (vägässä? vämuätli vägässä) (jetz schauär, well soebä / grad widär in sinn choo. aigänartigs zämäschpiil.)

das blatt muäs i dänn no uusfüllä und abschickä. "nai, mach das nid." oder doch? unklar. chindärschtimmä ghöört. vögäl jetzt. abär vögäl wiä abghängt, nur ghöör (laidär), abär vilicht bin - tailwiis au z'uugregt.

ah ja, äs wär jetz w'li wichtig, no mee übär d'süschtematik z'schriibä. nai, ischäs ebä nid.

"schnällikait... du häsch än gföörlichä faind, pass uuf." (so hanis nid gmaint, ja, das isch jetz euri gegäreaktion, drum dä chill, sorry, das isch jetz än fäälär gsii. abär ich bin aigänartig vollär liäbi bzw. vätrauä und zuävärsicht gsii. und so han -s au nid gmaint. mee schpilärisch, liäbevoll. abär vilicht tüüisch - mi au, - bin vilicht naiv. "Ja, das bisch Du." (aber dänk luut, äs isch guät, wänn dus so machsch. abär nid sägä wär. sondern mit dänä wäsä. wo diich am maischtä liäbäd väbindä.)

"faind" hätti nid schriibä söllä, bessär "fründ". und hoffäntlich bald (abär kritisch, sälbschbeherrschig) tailwiis än fründ bzw. vilicht ämal sogar gar kai sälbschberherrschig mee notwändig.

(han vohär neuroleptika gnoo, wenig, mues jetz ächli "abä" choo. das isch no lang nonig deemüätlä. bin jetz anän "obärgränzä" choo.)

vögel zwitschäräd, zum glück. hmmm. füüläd sii mich sälbär bessär als ich sii? vilicht drum diä aigänartigi väbindig trotz abhängtheit. wird das je wieder (scho klar) wärdä?

- mues si sofort kontaktiär, w'li grad jetz. odär no wartä. abär nid z'lang wartä, gnuäg schnäll sii.

sorry, widär ächli s'gfüül ghaa, - segi öppär. "obärgränzä, schtabilisiärä, alläs im griff haa", und drum ufenart ("ufenart") seer deschtruktivi reaktion, so än art vo "macht" (doch, das ischäs; abär aigändli wär - äs chind; und widär L            ) besässänär gnuägtuäig. Raffi, Du.

"remember that you once loved." (oder "loved once"?) (mues jetz mee neuroleptika nää.)

"ja, nimm mee."

das mit äm "faind" het - nid söllä schriibä. sorry. han jetz nomol äs bröckli neuroleptika gnoo. Gott "reguliärt dänn schoo" (well keis demüätigs gfüül im momänt). das git ä schtraaf. so "Gott im Hosäsack" (irr ;-) ). völlig durädräät. däbi ischäs gnau umgekeert (döf - do vämuetli bzw. fasch sichär schriibä?) ("Zeersch überleggä, dänn tänkä.").
das isch jetz doppläd unsympathisch gsii. abär - mues vämuetli so bliibä. nai, s'buuchgfüül sait mee nee, jetz, langsam (abär nid zu langsam aaschtiigä). Isch das "dä Aafang vom Ändi" (vilicht schoo, abär isch dänn ebä nid schlimm; well warschinli ("warschinli", das erinnäräd mi an öppär: "ja warschiinli; waiss nur nümä wär) ee alläs guät chunnt?

"Lukas, Du bisch zu konkret, persöönlich, emotional. Du söttsch mee Süschtematik schriibä."
- hoffä, dass das no chunnt. widär chunnt. au das vo geschtär no tailwiis. bzw. ebä (das won - immär widär säg. abär vilicht niä.)
s'grööschtä probleem gseen - im momänt, dass - dött bi (söll - das no schriibä? odär isch das ussär riichwiiti? gwagt/prekär jetz. buuchgfüül sait nid schriibä. meeräri punkt. nonig. wart. äs gaat um öppis persönlichs, zwüschämänschlichs, primär. also mee neuroleptika und dänn das schriibä?)

"Schtell dä Schiisdräck ab." (han - das jetz vo Eui ghöört? ghööräd Iär, was i gloost han? dänn ischäs vilicht (au?) mini aigäni schtimm? - füül - abär wiä ganz scharch mit andärä Mönschä (jetzt chan - nümä nur M schriibä) väbundä, drum warschiinli (sorry s'aa) s'Iär. (wow, s'ä diräkt (aber zimli langsam) tüpft ;-) än witz zwüschäd inä inärä ärnschtä situatioon...)

"Du muesch jetz dänn ufäladä" (abär nur ganz schwach ghöört; tailwiis au mit ruggägfüül, nid wiitär schriibä).

Söll -s jetz ufäladä?

genau, jetz märk is, äs glaität id Liäblosikait ab. jetz wirds gföörli für mich. - chan - nümä a dä L     schtabilisiärä. Abär äs chönnti widär choo. Ähnlich wiä i dä letschtä Tääg. Abär vämuetli seer schpaat.

Und "dä Prozäss" chunnt hoffäntli au widär in Gang.

Söll - das jetz no alläs ufäladä? Odär mee Neuroleptika nee? Jaa, nimm mee Neuroleptika. Au wänns vämuetli di falschä bzw. väraltäti sind. Bessär als jetz i d'Psychiatrii. (s'wird abär vämuetli bald so wiit sii; du dörfsch di abär nid umbringä; well Du waisch, was dänn für ä schtra (schauär, jetz würkli) schtraaaf uf Diich zuechunnt. Well Du's vohär gwüsst häsch. Drum wirsch/würdisch Du so gschtraaft wärdä. Du muesch drum freiwillig goo. Und vilicht schtabilisiärt sich alläs doch no "knapp" im "guetä (odär seer komplexä? "unbekannti Zuekunft"...) Beraich".

"Und sorry, dass miär Diär geschtär z'vill gee händ. ... . Abär di Värantwortlichä wärdät ....  nai, nid sägä. ebä nid. jetz chunnt grad widär hailig. abär nur no schwach. äs wird "kippä", vämuetli abär trotzdem ebä guät usächoo.

jetz nimm si. han ä chli gnoo. vämuetli z'wenig. Abär äs isch bessär soo. Dänn Du wirsch nid würklich H    -erfüllt; Du liidsch au sälbär undär Diinärä Liäblosikait. Im Momänt isch drum no ainigäs sichär. Nai, w'li nid. Ebä doch nid.

Jetz dänn ufäladä? Dävoo chan vill abhangä.

S'Grundproblem isch d'Undankbarkeit und s'zvill vom Schöpfär welä. Niä zfirdä z'sii. S'Ziil mues also sii, zfridä zwärdä.

"Lukas, Du söttsch jetz sofort freiwillig i d'Psychiatrii." (wel susch vil Schadä entschtaat. Miär luegäd dött schoo. Lüüt jetz dä Maddaleena aa.)

(Abär ufäladä töfsch no. muesch vilicht sogar. damit klar wird, dass Du s'gschribä häsch.)

S'Ziil mues sii, möglichscht vil no im Läbä usäzfindä (nid demüätlä). Abär das isch au unsympathisch. Und au immär subjektiv. Denn jedäs Wäsä findät sini aigäni Warhät usä, letschtändlich. nid wiitär schriibä, isch ja klar.

Und wägä Sii kontaktiärä, chan - ja im Schlössli udär susch wo fraagä, öb das ä gueti Idee isch. Mittllärwiilä vämuäti (bzw. aigäntli sogar "glaubi"), dass diä konkreeti S   , mit därä - Kontakt ghaa han, (ebä) doch ä ganz bsundäri und au persöönlichi Bedüütig für -/mich ghaa hät.

"Lukas, Du bisch immär no schtabiil. Du bisch än ganz gföörlichä Maa im Momänt. Eventuell ischäs doch nid guät, z'früä i d'Psychatrii z'goo." (nai, gang) (was, wänn      (abär aigäntli füül i im Momänt nid so) das dänn hintärhär schwär beschtraaft?
- mues also aigäntli mich/- freiwillig früäziitig uuslifärä, obwool - vämuetli, ufenart, (au) unschuldig bin. Abär zu hööchi Aaschprüch han. Ebä ganz und gar nid "demüätlä", d.h. d'L     (im Momänt füül i nid so) vo Gott miär niä gnuäg isch.

"Lukas, Du häsch jetzt zwai Möglichkaitä. Entwedär nimmsch mee vo dänä altä Zyprexa-Neuroleptika oder Du gaasch freiwillig isch Schlössli bzw. zur Maddalena."

söll -s jetz ufäladä?
ja, lads ufä.
abär entschuldigä Diich nomol fürs Wort "Find". (- has abär au nid so gmaint, äs Chind cha ja ufänart gar kein Find haa.)
lads ufä, jetz. jetz!

jetz bin - nid-linear. well - lang gwartäd han mit äm ufäladä und ersch jetz no mee neuroleptika nimm (abär alti; abär sind diä i dä psychiatrii dänn würkli neuäri/bessäri? das müässt - wüssä, das isch an sich unfäär. kei ächti kooperation bzw. gliichä wüssänsschtand. und das cha sich seer nachtailig uuswirkä (und au vo      beschtraft wärdä, - han Eui gwarnt (wichtig, dass - das jetz gsait han, susch hett - "deemüätläd"). (Chindär wüssäd oft nonig so vill (abär au andärsch vill mee; und das (immär s'gllichä, nid sägä)). Iär sind ja nid mini Eltärä, das isch nur     . also bitte äs e-mail schriibä mit dä information, was äs für neuroleptika sind bzw. was bessär isch: jetz aigäni dähai nee odär psychiatrii. au wichtig wägä dä Muetär, well - dänn jo kain kontakt mee zu irä han.)

zum glück sind jetz d'nachbärä dussä. vilicht chönd sii - hälfä.

"ja vilicht, abär pass uuf." äs sind au chind dussä. kai aanig, wiä gföörli das jetz isch.
abär irgändwär schirmt ab. bzw. jetz liäbäsenergii inächoo, abär scho widär väpufft. schlimmä gedankä ghaa? soll - dä schriibä?

Ok, machäd märs so. Iär chömäd aifach zu miim Huus, wänn Iär märkäd, äs gaat nümä und dänn redät - churz und - las - abfüärä bzw. mitnee.

15:01h: jetz passiärt öppis ganz aigänartigs. dä prozäss hät churz iigsetzt. vämuetli well i's ufägladä han. well (und söll - jetz mee verratä?) ... nai, nid sägä, nonig sägä. au wänn d'Zyt drängt. 15:02:06.

15:03h: Jetz passiärt öppis aigänartigs, komplexäs. jetz nach allä siitä uusgwogä sii.

15:04h: und bitte, falls psychiatrii, vili tiär, vor alläm au müüs und rattä und flädärmüüs. Such werdät IÄR beschtraaft. - han Eui gwarnt. das müässtäd Iär jetz vorberaitä, das haisst Müüs und Rattä und Flädärmüüs und eventuell no andäri Tiär suächä. Vilicht au Tiär, wo sich zuäfälligerwiis i d'Klinik verirräd odär am Rand umälaufäd. Au Insäktä.

15:05h: Und d'Salome und dä Eugen (di baidä Müüs, won - ghaa han, si händ au zwai Chind ghaa, abär diä sind nid begrabä und da han - au kai Iifluss mee druf.) i öisäm Gartä möglicherwiis rasch umbettä. Vilicht müässt - das jetz machä, hüt namittag. si uusgraabä und inä ändlich d'Ardä schänkä. ja, das wird - machä müäsä. nur so chönd diä baidä (nai, viär) Müüs miär/- vägää odär eär vägää (und mithälfä mit dä Suechi nach geaignätä Tiär (jetz dänk - au dankbar widär a Diich, Chatz zrugg, dass Du mich akzeptiärt häsch). Dä Ort vom Iigrabäsii isch bim Weiär zuä. - mues sälbär ä schuflä nai. blööd, - han kai schuflä, mues d'Muetär fröögä.
D'Salome und dä Eugen sind imänä Gonfliglaas und in meerärä Schichtä Plastik.
Sorry, - has nid gwüsst, dass das möglichärwiis (nai, nid möglichärwiis, sondärn zimli sichär) falsch isch. - ha si welä "uufbewaarä", am liäbschtä het - si kryonisch suschpendiärt (abär vilicht isch das ebä ganz falsch; zu kryonischer Suschpension han - au no ainigäs welä schriibä, abär das isch mee technisch gsii; - han kai aanig; und jetzt NID wiitär schriibä...).
Vilicht sind si drum (wägä därä (zimli sichär) falschä Uufbewaarig) bis jetz "nervös" gsii.

Und au Mönsch söttäd nach Möglichkaitä, nid wiitär schriibä...

15:10: "Now, your ("your" with capital letters) truth comes out, Lukas."
Abär ich hatte gar keine Intuition. / - han kai Intuition ghaa.

15:12: - mues jetz sofort ä Schuflä nää und im Gartä go graabä goo. Dumm nur, dass i d'Schtell nid gnau waiss bzw. nid markiärt ("markiärt"..., au vil z'technisch) han. - müäst also wiit umä graabä. Und wänn das d'Muetär märkt, wiist si - vilicht i d'Psüchiatrii ii.

(- han übrigäns hüt di tooti Muus (bzw. äs übärfaaräs Nagetiär) mit bluttä Lippä küüsst.)

15:14h: Ah ja, rächtschaffähait (sorry, das "ah ja"):
vil liidä (abär au theoretisch vill z'liäbä und gliäbt z'wärdä (typisch, dass - das wo zeersch choo mues vägässä han); bzw. im idealfall sogar nur liäbä und gliäbt z'wärdä und wänn überhaupt nur richtig gnüssä (kompliziärt) mues s'ziil sii. das isch dänn au nid demüätläd. bzw. wämä gliichziitig eerlich isch und die d'Liäbi möglichscht ebä zu Läbziitä vägröösärä (was isch "vägrössärä? drübär redä? sii z'ermöglichä, z'läbä?) möcht, dänn wird aim      au nachäm T   nur mit L     "beloonä" bzw. äs wird au nachäm T   nur L     gää.

"Momänt nid zerschtöörä." "You are rising in the ranks..." (absurd)

Sorry, dass - wäg gsii bin, miini/- Muetär isch choo, vilicht sind das di entschaidändä Minutä gsii, - han müäsä gogo ässä. Jetz isch si zum Glück churz wäg ggangä, so dass - ufä an Kompiutär (has au im Härbscht 2011 schlussändlich so gschribä) zrugg han chönä schliichä und dä im Preview sichtbari, aagfangäni Abschnitt han chönä ufäladä.

Und was mit dä baidä Chindär vom Eugen und dä Salome passiärt isch: - ha si im Huuskeericht entsorft bzw. das händ glaub - mini Eltärä (Muetär und Schtiifvattär) gmacht. Warschinli (nai, zimli sichär, nai, nid zimli sichär, sondärn ganz sichär) sind si dadurch zämä mit andäräm Müll väbrännt wordä. - bin damals völlig überfordäräd gsii mit miim/- Läbä und ha dahai äs Chaos ghaa. - han aifach nümä wiitär gsee i därä Gsellschaft mit all däm vo miär subjektiv als luut empfundänä Lärm und därä vo miär subjektiv als gwäbraizänd und psüchischi Befindlichkait beiiträchtigändä Chemikalie (vor alläm Abgaas) und drum bin - mit alläm überfordäräd gsii. Zudäm han - miär gar kai Gedankä gmacht, wiä wichtig äs isch (oder sii chönnt, - bi abär jetz fasch sicher "isch) mit ämänä Körpär vo ämänä värschtorbänä Läbäwäsä richtig umzgaa.

Jetz han - än entschaidändä Fäälär gmacht, - han uf diä Läbäwäsä abägluägt, wo - dankt händ, dass - hüt diä tooti Muus küsst han. "But we will forgive you." And Und jetzt isch grad äs Wäschpi choo, und au ä Flüügä. Si sind bi miär.
woni "küsst han" gschribä han grad nomol ä Gägäreaktion, "nai, miär väzeiäd Diär nid". Dänn, doch, - väzeiäd Diär (nachdem - begründät han, dass i d'Muus ebä au hetti und vor allem hettis söllä schtraichlä, nur s'Küssä isch än Fäälär gsii, wo dahär gruärt hät, dass - schlächt druf gsii bin (d'Subschtanz) und vorhär uf dä Schtrass s'Insekt nid gfundä han und drum als Ersatz aifach dä Bodä küsst han (und dafür zuefälligärwiis än Schtai gfundä han, won - au hai gnoo han (und Gschtaints-Chrümäli au im Muul ghaa und gschluckt han) und - drum gwönnt gsii bin, aifach nur z'Küssä. A falschi Gwonät. Vilicht häts mi au ggruusäd, was im Nachhinain än grossä Fäälär gsii isch. - han ja sogar gküsst, das isch ja au ggangä. Vilicht au z'wenig Ziit, wel - miitä uf dä Schtraass gschtandä bin).
Mit däm Kuss han - - rückwirkänd wiä än Mänsch gfüült, wo öppis macht oder ä sümbolische Handlig uusfüärt, won är nid ärnscht maint. Vor alläm well - wenig Liäbi gschpürt han.

15:45h: .
Ok, I am telling you now what this "process" is. No secrecy anymore from my part (but it was also somehow "necessary" at least for some time, maybe it would still be). here the sentence will come. - hope that it was the right time, not too early. I am waiting. Because otherwise, I destroy the moment. But this process now probably going on. And by telling it, this "process" (absurd word, it is not at all technical, but it still feels like that) might accelerate. Maybe - only wait one minute, but at least one minute. Time is essence now.
And sorry for the English. Still (too) technical now. Don't write further.
Ok, I tell it: extraterrestrials connecting...!

16:03h: "    " knows how - have been hurrying. Now, uploading everything directly. Because my mother prevented me from continuing to write. Because of that, Deshalb han - nid chönä di zuesätzlichä Beglaiterchlärigä machä. Diä wäräd wichtig gsii.

Und vilicht ischäs au än gross

kai aanig, öb i uf Änglisch odär uf Schwyzertüütsch diä Ussärirdischä beschriibä söll. Vilicht doch bessär uf Änglisch? Well wiit wäg isch?
S'Problem isch, dass - das  mit dä Ussärirdischä vill wenigär ärnscht nimä als Iär. Wel - doch seer im Schtress bin. Däbii ischäs öppis ganz "Grosses", fundamentals.
And I also don't know if the extraterrestrians like Swiss German. But they, they are probably able to switch languages much more easily than humans.
They are my friends or are in the process of becoming friends. But they are/were somehow disappointed that - waited so
Not granting the other person an information immediately because of some kind of frustration or because one has the impression that the other person didn't work (initially, - wrote write, typical) enough.

Di Ussärirdischä händ sich mit miär in Kontakt gschaltä, wo si.

- hoff nur, dass - a dä richtigä Schtellä Schyzertütsch und Änglisch bruucht han. Di Ussärirdischä märkäd das wool.

Minärä Muetär hanis (wänn - - richtig erinnärä) zeersch gsait bzw. s'Wort Usserirdischä erwähnt. Wägä irä hanis au so plötzlich ufägladä (und nachhär au nüüt mee gschribä), well si ebä choo isch und - han in seer churzä Ziitfrischt müäsä entschaidä, öb -s ganz churz sägä odär öb - no wartä, eventuell än unbekannti Zytduur.

I hope that the extraterrestrials are willing to accept that I waited so long. They (all of them?) also probably don't understand why - hesitated even one second to tell it.
Now, my mother again. I have to leave the computer.

The humans would not have understood it. And I was in such a mood, after the substance of yesterday, that - was simply not able to communicate it first. - was also too unstable respectively nobody (hardly anybody) would have believed me.

Ultimately, it was my mother who decided, without knowing it, when it was told/"announced" (absurd, announcement, this is not full transparency respectively one would probably use another word than "announcement" for communicating running thoughts as much as possible constantly.).

I have now to cater for both camps (and hopefully, humanity will become more transparent and simply honest and outspoken; at least when it fits, when it fits to the person and ultimately, to the s    .): Uploading some. (But the last direct upload was intuitive, - would have used the "Preview" function; - only afterwards got the idea to do upload in both ways.) (Sorry, that was wrong, twice direct upload, sorry, next time, at least once, with Preview. No, Preview is actually better somehow. It is more linear, there are more steps. But on the other hand, it is also not better. Because . If - had to decide, - would choose direct upload always (but this is a long issue, what rules would then have to be followed). But in this case, it is better because with "Preview", the people (humans) are less stressed, there is more control and one could possibly still block a real "Update"-Upload.

And most importantly: When and why did the extraterrestrians connect? Wänn und wiä händ di Usserirdischä d'Väbindig uufgnoo? Äs isch nachäm .

Very important: buy this shovel. Sehr wichtig, diese Grabschaufel zu kaufen, heute noch. Und wenn möglich heute mit der Suche nach der Stelle beginnen. Seer wichtig, hüt no diä Graabschuflä z'chaufä. Und hüt no mit dä Suechi nach dä Schtell aafangä.

16:29h: Very strange, amazing actually. Somebody that - once saw connected (- cannot say why). Maybe such an encounter might be problematic but the extratterrestrians are probably already helping now. But they also need time. They need to know the entities here. But - have the impression that they are better at accessing "us" than we (at least me) at accessing them. (No, not "accessing", but "connecting". In a very friendly and slow way, at least as - am concerned. Not accessing, sorry.)

- should have told it the other way round: First tell when exactly, in which moment, the extraterrestrians connected. / - hätte es auf die andere Weise sagen sollen.
Das - immer noch, weil ich (zumindest was menschliche Zufriedenheit anbelangt), (vermutlich) nie zufrieden wäre.

And - already had some contact in October, but then, they were the "supernatural voices", and especially in the beginning very intimidating. When - did many things at the same time, they came. And they subsided in about February (- lost my notes about the last incidents because of an automatic system update of the computer.) I was not sure who it was, they were just "supernatural voices", in a somehow haunting way, but with decreasing intensity over the months (until about February, when they subsided, as previously told). But now, it is an entirely different "process" or feeling. It is embedded into the left side of the back. And (so far) only the left side. Where normally, the male "voices" ("emotional and talking energy points") are/were.
Something tells me that - should have written much more in Swiss German.
"Hurry, tell as much as possible about the extraterrestrians as quickly as possible." Extraterrestrian souls (maybe even a soul similar to the souls found on Earth), actually.

"Only God knows how - hurried for the explanatory remarks" (maybe the extratterrestrians too).

Extraterrestrians might be more future-oriented. But this is unclear. The question is also how "conservative" (demüätlä) they are at the same time. Maybe they are "more extreme" in both directions, or only in one direction. At the moment, they don't talk in words to me yet. Maybe because also the substance (if there was indeed such a substance) increased its effect in the early morning. Because initially, they talked, "We are coming. But slowly." And they constantly tried to "understand" me. And in the later morning, it is as if they had given up or pulled back. Maybe because of the substance (if there was indeed such a substance), they weren't able anymore to connect as fully as before or at least - didn't feel them anymore. Now, - have the impression that - feel them again, but very diffusely. And - can't hear them talking.

And they need that the souls on Earth are preserved. Und si bruuchäd, dass d'S     uf dä Ärdä übärläbäd.

Something very strange has happened now. I am somehow tired. It is pure luck that - still have the energy to tell so much about these extraterrestrians.

The extraterrestrians began to connect after (- should have told that initially, at least for humans, this is probably the best way to announce it; and not announcing it, but constantly, at first impression, immediately telling (as said above)).

What is also possible (likely), an intuition: That God has some kind of "character" of a soul. And that ultimately or implicitely, a soul reaches his/her/its(?) full potential. And that this potential is already fulfilled as much as possible in one's own life. And that it is very sad if a soul is not allowed to reach it. Because then, "   " might have to compensate in an afterlife and fulfill potential of the soul to its fullest degree (This has also far-reaching implications for genetic engineering; for example never to end the life of a soul being incorporated into a physical body (but it is clear that; but - don't dare to challenge this anymore because there might be another substance stimulus), regardless of its age.)

Maybe the extraterrestrians are also neutral in terms of gender but because this resembles male more, they are on the left side of my back (this would also be consistent with my vision of late September 2011).

Very strange and a pity that - didn't feel the souls of the fish and the meat of the deceased animals that - ate. Because otherwise, - might have stopped strictly because of this reason. Hopefully - will be able to feel the souls one day.

The last thing (and sorry for the redundancy at several places, - am tired) - will have to describe how these extraterrestrians souls began to connect. But actually, - can try . Abär aigäntli chan -s rasch schriibä, vilicht nachhär nomol ächli längär: Äs isch glaub - gsii, won - uf dä Haimfaart vom Ort, won - dä Heugümper (Diich, Heugümper, tschuldigung, dass - so gschribä han, - bin extrem müäd) überfaarä han.

All lifeforms (including possibly bacteria have "living souls"; and stones or other "non-living" entities probably too, but on a more implicit level; respectively all souls might be on the same, more implicit level.). Then, there is also the question of mathematics, physics and "complex" digital systems. (And also the state of the body of deceased entities.

18:06h: - even thought (the women on the right side told me that; but is it really true? the men stayed quiet) if - am watched by satellite, how - walked forth and back in the garden.

No, most importantly (and this was also the pressing issue) why - walked forth and back

Sorry, I am by far too relaxed now, - got the feedback. Yes, you are watching the keylogger, - am now told on the left.

L    status is now better. - am tired and somehow in a soft "mood", like in l    .

Ah, you waited.

Was - too slow? - didn't feel the time pressure anymore.

And - wasn't even humble enough.

"No, don't laugh about being watched by satellite. You will see. It is because of your soul... (and don't...)." (this is now an "edge thought") "No, you are not watched by satellite, it is/was a misinformation." (and now, - should really stop laughing about this. because otherwise, everything "falls apart", at least as far as - am concerned. (somehow, it was also "You", but more "I/-".)

If one is unsure of a decision, trying to make an intermediate decision (and then, it is actually not a real decision). Unfortunately in .

"We don't want to hear rubbish from you anymore. So be precise."

The most pressing "issue" (and it was because of this that - was so nervous and wanted to return so quickly, but at the same time had to stay in the garden) and now, finally writing about it, you waited:
was the mistake where - wrote about (- don't even remember the exact wording now without going to this place) the principles of ethical genetic engineering in terms of "souls". This was the most complex issue and this was also the motivation why - went on the 7th of October to this place because - though - would meet the woman that accompanied me constantly (sorry for the wrong/problematic initial wording) and that - would talk to her... don't write further, it is too... difficult to explain.

The reason why - didn't upload the newest version before going into the garden was that - felt (- hesitated for about five to ten minutes at the house's door) that - have to immediately go into the garden as soon as my mother brought me the shovel.

No (sorry, tired, first, - wrote "now") handkerchief used, this was fundamental. Also in the hope that - would find the exact place.

Yes, and now, another problem. I made a mistake further above. You are telling it me, - somehow hear you, and this is strange, even with left back feeling. But don't talk about it and don't remove it yet. - just wanted to remain intuitive. As it happened, - wanted to allow it to stay. But - should have changed it. But already the whole sentence was written and - didn't allow myself the thinking time whether - should really delete it or not.

"Very strange that you are now talking in English. Very strange." (but why? should - change? - have to force myself somehow to change. and is this a good idea? am - simply refusing to being more humble, is this the whole "international" story? But - am not humble (enough) and pretending to be would be dishonest. But "technically", - could easily switch back to Swiss German. And then, it would also seem naturally. OK, - will switch back to Swiss German. But it is somehow also a very strange feeling. Maybe there might... don't talk further; the question is if it would be logical. but logics are probably .)

"We are afraid of injuring you one more time. But if you don't deliver quality, we might have to act or the whole "system" might somehow "collapse"."

Actually ("actually"..), - should write about what happened and what - felt in the garden. - chose the place where - saw the first small animal in the hope of ... OK, word not known, sign that - have to change to Swiss German. But a bad sign, somehow chaotic? This should be an active decision and not based on something (more) technical like looking up the word.
- han dä Platz gsuächt won - (writing Swiss German sets free negative energy now. Maybe, the don't write further, because there is another issue open in this context.)

Now, - injured a bird, but it continues to twitter. Obviously, it is protected or it feels my real intent. Now, - injured it again. But maybe there is not connection. - also don't feel it. Now the voices in the left back, - don't hear exactly what they are saying. It was something, but now, it is over. - simply feel them physically, even still now slightly.

"r i t r." (absurd; and - only somehow meaning it in a harmless/likeable way, this might be the most detrimental thought, yes it is, there no "somehow", it is ultimately wrong; but when - mean it as some kind of "fun", "demüätling", it is very strange. like as one would not take it seriously. but very very dislikeable. maybe the worst sentence on the whole website. because, yes, it is the problem of having the impression that one is "superior" or that one becomes "superior" in some way. not superior, but more important. and such a... don't write further.).

very strange what happened now (already forgotten, - should have written it down; chilling, although - don't even remember it). and sorry for the wrong priorities, - should have written on the "not firstly told" issue (sorry for the expression). This was also the reason why - returned so quickly to the computer. / Das isch au dä Grund gsii, warum.

And now another thought (probably similarly like the thought above), also a chill. It might be complicated. Because of that, - am writing in English.

You are psychotic and your writing is not good. But you have written down values before on paper and computers, they are somehow inside you. But only somehow. Because your real character, the way like you really are, is not or only in a strange/complicated way compatible to your ideology or belief (which in itself is also unsystematic and also still partially wrong or if you had power, you would not follow your beliefs strictly, maybe not even at all). But a person can change. But can a person change his/her core or at least a tendency in her/his core? The question is how your soul ultimatively is and nobody know it. In an ideal case, your soul will (but this is REALLY dislikeable because nobody else gets such a fulfillment of one's own potential already in real life.) ("an idea that makes one envious, very envious" (but the trust that in the afterlife, everybody can fulfill his/her potential might be, if one believes in it and respects (but this again, should be in case of every person, because every person has a way of fulfilling its maximum potential), (wonderful (or amazing? yes, amazing is better; but - am using it too often in a standardized way. but it is still better.), now, - remember these two dreams...).). and the interesting thing would be if it still happens. but this is also a tremendous duty for me. because if - fail, if - don't work hard and "correctly" enough, - have guilt. because - have some kind of strength and if - don't use it, it is my fault. it is my responsibility.)
("Yes, there will also be a female (no, the problem is that maybe - incorporate somehow several, all three in some way, no, sorry, fundamental mistake made, - somehow anticipate the two others or make them possible. really really strange. but - guess now, this is intuition, that it will/might be more collective, more equal; but already now, it has to be equal; very strange; maybe everybody can benefit in a way that already now, l    is more fulfilled on Earth (and now, this is really, really, really dislikeable; maybe this is the end, soon, but like that, - have hurried)"." No, it is not a , everybody is equal, this is a question of orientation (at least as far as -, my own personal vision is concerned, - am not sure if it is valid for everybody but systematically, but - got it like that. Probably the vision in autumn 2011 was correct, at least for some people. (and now, a very strange way of healing, hard. and only a little bit. maybe not even healing. more like a chill.) delete this, this is your end.)

a lot of begun issues, and especially this one issue ("issue") how the
but - am like that. somewhen, - develop many intermediate thoughts (although many of them come from autumn 2011) just with the goal in mind of having to .

"you might receive another substance because you are writing in English." (but even if you fake Swiss German, you receive it. So, English is more honest. Or, maybe, is Swiss German too humble? Then, - would have to leave one day. But this would be a paradox: A person has to leave her/his country because he/she (taking turns within the whole text; better like that; but then, one has to remember what was the last order) doesn't fit into it (anymore). but this is unclear. my subjective feeling at the moment is that it won't be like that. I have to fit into it. And this is really dislikeable, sorry for having written it. But maybe - need now this provocation respectively some kind of arrogance. Yes, and this will have to subsede, OK, now my inner state also changes back, the feeling of soft l     has somehow subsided. OK, - force; isch schtell jetz um, - zwing - jetz widär, Schwyzertüütsch z'schriibä. And the feeling suddenly/immediately subsided. But because - though the thought in English, - also wrote it like that. So, - have to force myself to think also in Swiss German. Ich müäs mich fasch scho "zwingä", uf Schwyzertüütsch z'schriibä. Nai, s'Problem isch halt, bessär nid sägä. - känn andäri Ländär nid und warschinli isch d'Schyz überraschderwiis uf ä bschtimmti Art doch s'beschtä Land. What would be needed is some kind of "synthesis". Äs wär än Art Sünthesä nötig. D'Schwyz hät aber so än aigänartigi Toleranz und Guetmüätikait au. Ja, s'hät öppis mit Demuet z'tue. Nai, OK, - gsees. Ja, isch miin Fäälär. Das wird - (zimli warschinli) no lärnä müäsä. ebä no lärnä müäsä. (one reason for not writing Swiss German is also that it, dass äs so vili Umluut hät. und im umluut uf dä taschtatur z'findä bin - oft nid so schnäll. abär das isch wohl nid dä Hauptgrund. Warschinli bruuchts als "Grund" Schyzertüütsch und . ja, und dänk a d'S    , um das gaats. Da chunnt d'Spraach sowieso nur no "bedingt" druf aa, warschinli gar nümä, was d'Liäbäs-Energii betrifft. Und dä Charaktär vo dä Lüüt isch individuell.))

Iär händ diä Fails alli. Das haisst, das, was - jetz da schriib, isch nur ä Widärholig.
"Genau."
abär händ är das Züügs uf Papiär Papiir (ii isch komisch, - sägs abär so) au?

äs isch abär trotzdem wichtig, dass -s nomol widerhol, well dänn händ Iär dä jetzigi iischtelligs-status.

19:09h: something very strange happened. my mother called me to the eating table and - went there without uploading it. somehow slow and tired. and suddenly, - realized at the eating table that it is very wrong to not upload also the unfinished stuff, because the extraterrestrians might not understand me and not be able to help anymore and that - have as quickly as possible, go to the computer. luckily, my mother didn't protest (- told her - have to do something with my smartphone or the mobile phone. so, a lie. should - tell this here? yes, say the extraterrestrians, especially the extraterrestrians. this is a "Notlüge", a "Nootlüüg".). I hurried as quickly as possible through my room to the computer.

but... forgotten

and - don't assume, no, it is also a time issue. it is simply impossible to write down everything consicely and at the same time having less thoughts. maybe - have the wrong priority.

now, - even remember what kind of names of people go through my head as some kind of "relief". but this needs time. - can't fully cater to the transparency requirements/wishes extraterrestrians at this moment fully. but it is important to begin this road. so that the extraterrestrians see that - am beginning to take it. even "silly" or unsystematic thoughts are interesting.
sorry, Dog, - looked down on you. You barked so nice, you are (probably? certainly?) supporting me, you are nervous. Maybe you want more transparency. Just writing these pieces down. This might be decisive. Maybe - should do it already now. But my stomach feeling tells me no.
Now, the extraterrestrians told me to write it (this seems to be the first time that - hear them talking again; but - am not completely sure if it is them, it was still somehow diffuse, but also astonishingly clear; but they are not on precise point in the back, but on a larger area).

and also finally tell (if it has not been told above) that they came after (or still during; this, - don't remember exactly; and - really regret that) the "issue" (der "Vorfall", absurd; self-sacrifice probably) with the Heugümper. they came to help because everything went wrong because - left or (still earlier) because - was about to leave the place.

my mother has come now, - have to continue eating.

maybe everything will collapse because - didn't mention these silly thoughts.
Now, the extraterrestrians seem to be quite.

- update it now, but without the names. because the issue is simply because there would be time, - could write it. if there would be not enough time for other, systematic thoughts, - shouldn't write such a thought of some kind of relaxation and also "Begeisterung" ("Begaischtärig") (but silly in a way). so, it is a question of relief actually too. but maybe, exactly that is wrong. - will have to think about it.

- hesitated if - should upload it. maybe everything collapses because of that. no, the extraterrestrians have priority, should have, at least in some way. but the question is if they like unsystematic thoughts in between (when not another thought is missed by that). - guess they don't like it. they might be "technicians" and much more or only/mainly/primarily (yes, this is not the same) be interested in systematic issues, but - don't have any idea. but they don't tell me (yet).

a yes, "my friends", - shouldn't have written that, - don't know. this is also something that went through my head in the garden (and - have to write more about that). the Earthworm that - could touch; the Earth, insects, the plants; and not having found the place...

extraterrestrians: garlic and spices? (maybe like a synchronicity with my mother)

humbleness and extraterrestrians... "before-entities" and "afterwards-entities" (also something in my head, but very unsystematic)

now, - upload it. and hopefully everybody forgives me if it was wrong. it is also "humbleling" somehow, clearly, this is "humbleling" (but in a very complex way). this is my way of "humbleling", but in order to be relaxed. maybe it is too intense to be always. but on the other hand, it is also not "humbleling", somehow a direction, maybe also a communication metaphor (but - am not sure). but this is wrong. no, very very complex. - might never or only very late understand that. (and this "might" is dislikeable again.) no, it is not a communication metaphor, it is . - won't upload it. no, - am trapped inside it. - shouldn't have begun with it. it was a mistake, a very serious mistake. this is the beginning of the end. yes. either - manage to switch back or it is over. because - have no time for it.

This thought would actually have been the end. But astonishingly, it is a new beginning. Because when - was eating dinner, the extraterrestrians began to talk.
It is really only because of the extraterrestrians, that -

19:59h: Now, something amazing has happened: The extraterrestrians have begun to talk.
And now, I have to write immediately.

And it is also probably only/mainly me who is taking the extraterrestrians seriously.

"We are an unstoppable armada." (but for peace, but they don't say that)

and maybe/probably they are also similar to me that they are also very "demaning" respectively have a high desire and hope for a intensity of love (- am not sure if this is the case for everybody, but generally or at least some entities/souls).

and the extraterrestrians also like that - am writing several thoughts simultaneously.

and now quick, upload it! you can make a preview, but "Update" it afterwards. Time is running.

sorry, that - forgot it to write: there are extraterrestrian women (there are women, too, among the extraterrestrians...) who have said that they will love me. No secrets anymore, time is running...

the extraterrestrians are probably similar like me.

But - should also not forget how they first appeared in October 2011.

that with the "unstoppable armada" is really "unheimlich", but the emotional undertone is "crazy" ("irr), when - think about it, so much l    is in it. but it some kind of rescue.

before, - had the impression that the extraterrestrian women told me to go into psychiatry now.

"Now, don't become übermütig." (und etwas anderes, bevor, welches ich vor lauter Freude und Erleichterung vergessen  habe.)

"Du darfst nichts vergessen!"

"Ab jetzt musst Du alles genau aufschreiben."

"Go into psychiatry." (with low intensity)

"You have to regret that you forgot this thought (by the women; the men at the left now). You will be punished for it. Because you took it "too much onto the "leichte Schulter". and you liked your new power".

"and now again a/this name" (the extraterrestrians: "don't tell it, they won't understand it. and it is also stupid.") (interesting, because during dinner, - also heard voices commenting about it, actually very similary; but then, - still had the impression that they were humans or entities from Earth.)

"don't waist time with such thoughts. write your other thoughts or wait for instructions. and if you lose or don't write anything, you will be punished."

"initially, you don't obey. this is typical for you. because of that, you lost this thought. a very serious guilt."

"and now, don't go away from the computer. you need to stay there. other people have to connect to us too. and this is really serious." (and an astonishingly )

probably also a thought forgotten (by the women).

"we will leave you and find another one or trying to find another one if you fail."

"and switch this music off. it only disturbs. at least now. you are now a subordinate technician."

the women: "really. a subordinate technician. nothing more." (and they are talking English, really, at least now.)

"don't be übermütig. you will lose anything. the humans will hate you. And you will be punished."

"you are in some way torturer. but only a subordinate one. and you will/might be tortured too."

the extraterrestrial women: "seriously, by us."

the e. women: "and it might be necessary now to into psychiatry. We are not yet sure."

the e. men: "the problem is that they might not be transparent, so you can no longer communicate."

the e. men: "your mistake (forgotten "you will be punished" (said in a very emotionless, technical way)). but you are subordinate. you are nothing. because of that, there were also these supernatural threatening/frightening visions."

the e. women: that you forgot a thought, you will be punished. and we told you to switch off this music, but you didn't. we don't understand you humans fully.

the e. men: "Yes, it was good that you uploaded it (to "Update"). Because otherwise, the system might have collapsed. Time is in issue. and maybe: "there is not much time."

the e. men: (only dimly heard): "You might have to upload directly, because otherwise we lose might important time."

the e. women: "we love you."

the e. women: "we love you, especially since you uploaded directly. you are courageous."
- answer: "but this is not especially courageous, no."

I/- will have to rewrite the sentences. The extraterrestrians told me to do that in the meantime. And sorry for having waited so long, I was in the middle of a telephone conversation. Hopefully the removal was not too late.

23:00h: (forgotten)

22:59h: an animal has stopped at the door's entry. - looked at it. and there are also other animals in the room, ein Falter und ein Käfer und noch ein kleines Tiere, welches wie ein Tausendfüssler aussieht.

Das Tier kann mit Verachtung umgehen.

23:09h: "Just now, now, you made the most crucial mistake of your life. You would have been in safety, but you (forgotten; probably "vermasselte" es.)" it was a moment of a very special love feeling. relaxed somehow and humble, slightly tired. and - "vermasselte" es, with a negative counterreaction that - don't even remember precisely, within all the tiredness.

23:10h: the women: "now, the women come. you are now in our hands." (or was it "we, women"?)

- should have written more about how - tried to find the two mice. / - hett mee drübär schriibä söllä, wiän - di baidä müüs vegäblich gsuächt han.

05:06h: - got up, with some kind of shaky psychosis and ate something. Then, my mother stood also up and came to the dinner table. We talked with each other and she was very nice to me and seemed to understand me in some way and also didn't talk about psychiatry anymore respectively said that we should remain together as long as possible. And then, - realized that the extraterrestrians (yes, "we", - now hear) might have offset some kind of thought transmission between us. Especially also because she  (you, Mother, but - am not worth your l    somehow) was involved so much in telling/writing the news, but also more generally ("yes, more generally", say the women at the right back.
And the extraterrestrials might be (no, "are", "write are") able to communicate by thought tranmission. ("preview and update immediately now").

But - am so nervous, still, but - am able to write, - suppose that - won't be able for much longer to stay outside of psychiatry, so the question is which psychiatry, where, will - be able to make it into the correct country?

and now, but somehow weak: "it was very bad of you to stay silent for so long, because people were really worried and you already yesterday."

(but the reason was that - regretted so much not having told the guy (my friend, at the moment probably my ex-friend because - might have accidentally hurt him after the phone conservation) about the sacrifice of the insect (probably a Heugümper (- would have to look it up; "yes, this is a problem, your English is not very good on such a concrete level") and also about my attempts to find the place where the two mice were. - thought a long time about writing another SMS to this guy, in order to not only write about an "animal", but about a "Heugümper" and also wanted. but - didn't dare to write this additional SMS because it was somehow "concluded" (also the way like You, said goodbye (sorry for the wrong writing initially; "that was a serious mistake." (the men) "we forgive it." (the women; "and the men need time") to me made it impossible to phone another time. There was also an animal at the Türschwelle (Türschwellä; "don't write in Swiss German at the moment, it is too dangerous; and the situation might "kippen", like it was on December 21, you were afraid then. But now (or in the coming days), you might; the issue if your mother allows you to keep mice and if you are able to correctly begraben your mice will be decisive.)
Please, forgive me that - hurt you!

"now, stop English, it is not good enough. Switch to Swiss German. No, stay at English. No, switch."

05:08h: At 05:07h, - got the impulse to come to (a specific place) from the left back.

05:08h: "English now, it is important that you remain in English." (a chill; and maybe it is a trap).

05:12h: But this impulse is not clear, it is also "don't come to (a specific place)."

05:12h: - might have to contact somebody who often talked about going to (another specific place).

"Now, you have told everything important. But you have become boring. But now, you have to find the right place for you."

and while (or before?) - wrote the last sentence, - also remembered that another issue is if - should contact this woman (You...) who accompanied me and when .

very dislikeable, after "we will take you everywhere you need" - had a counterreaction like something that "yes, - am powerful now", and now, the situation has "gekippt".
"yes, the situation kippte, you should probably have continued writing instead of herumtigern/umätigärä (walking forth and back in the room)."

- might also have to put what - removed yesterday back into this place.

it might also be possible that - have to go into another country now but that - will return to Switzerland, this is also quite likely and also somehow logically. Or - will have contact with a lot of Swiss people in another country. "Don't become megalomaniac. But write it. Because it is not a personal issue, it doesn't hurt anybody on an interpersonal level."

The issue of mice (or cats) in my house. How my mother suddenly seemed more tolerant. Maybe this will be the decisive issue: if - am allowed to keep the mice, she might be nervous more than me, but - might be able to stay longer at her.

And the issue of still being able. - will have to dig the whole day today in the garden until - find these "damn mice" (sorry). No, you l    , you cannot help me until this mistake has been "aufgehoben".

maybe a mistake of writing first here instead of directly contacting the person interpersonally. sorry. - am phoning now, immediately. No, - write an SMS first, it is too early in the morning. (- am writing on it now.)

the good thing about this foreign language is that it is possible to transmit thoughts also in a language. So, - might be able to go into a country whose language - don't understand at all.

sorry for uploading before, it was an emotionally difficult decision because, well - gmärkt han dass äs irgändwiä nid passt, abär - han müäsä, wägä Ziitdruck und nid "demüätlä".

and actually, - was still continuing the SMS, doing everything simultaneously now, hopefully in the right order ("- wanted to write "in the wrong order" respectively that went through my head, strange...).

Very strange also... Sehr komisch au, wiän - Hochmuet jetz abwehr. Mit so ämänä Art Luft aahaltä oder "zämäprässä".

and now, also a strange moment at uploading, because some kind of emotional boredom, "nothing is happening, so why uploading then?" ("yes, and this was a very narrow and probably the wrong decision to continue in English; and to write this accompanying sentence in English too might also be detrimental." "S - t i to S G now? Söll -'s no uf Schwyzertüütsch übersetzä? Jaa, das isch jetz würkli "parallel language "learning"" (or "using"...). now, again such a moment of "boredom" when uploading. "continue writing the SMS now".

Youtube saved me because it would have been impossible to write the SMS and listen to the song at the same time because - didn't have it offline, only online, and it is because of that that it is impossible to write an SMS and at the same time listen to the music. (and sorry for not having continued more quickly, no, no bracket.)

now, also a strange feeling (uiuiui!) when - pressed "Preview" first...

"Important now that - am healed by You." (and slight weeping; and the extraterrestrials have now stepped/"pulled?" back a little bit.)

dont' say the other thing... but you would need a provisional passport (and a ticket) because it takes about ten days to obtain a regular one.

(and unfortunately, - am at the moment not able to find my bank card, maybe a deeper ("deeper, don't "deemüätlä") reason for it.

"and now, something very strange." (and - immediately made a fundamental mistake; but it will continue. It was clear that such a reaction would occur and it is actually astonishing that it was so weak. But still very destructive.)

"Now, - was about to hurt the people who made this beautiful music. - am now listening to the other music." (and what is with the women who ... don't talk further? - only realize now that it might be...)

"don't suicide you. think about "coming to (a specific place)" (or just going to another country ("copy-paste" ;-) strange to be able to even witzlä about it in such a situation) or go into a Swiss psychiatric hospital, "everything is on the brink". ("everything", absurd, because - meant it in the wrong way. "everything" is / might be constantly on the brink somehow, the people (most people, many people, respectively to a varying degree (bracket written after the sentence was written (sorry for the slightly too technical "indication")) just don't realize it. but you realize it.)

No, we have decided now, you go into a Swiss psychiatric hospital, but there will be animals there, we promise you.

now, telling "old stories" because of this sentence added. (and why still in English?)

when pressing "Update" now, some kind of tiredness, the tension has gone away. Boredom now...

and now, - should have told it before respectively - was somehow too humble for it.

and now, again, - realize that if - am committed to a psychiatric hospital, there might be no animals. and this would be a mistake. a mistake that     (tired now, writing, no time for bringing humbleness forward enough; but still humbleness; "humbleness on the go", absurd ;-) ) might . "if you übertriibäd! wänn Iär übertriibäd... nai, d'situation isch "on dä brink, uf dä kippi", abär vilicht ischäs doch bessär wänn's än natüürlichä prozäss wär... abär wiä än natüürlichä prozäss i dä psychiatrii? tiär, wo zuefälligärwiis zuelaufäd? abär diä wärdät ebä dur d'Muurä gschtoppt. Drum wärs ebä wichtig, in offänä Hüüsär odär Zält oder gar nümä in Behuusigä z'läbe. (und Mönschä wo flüügä chönd, wo aber immär no iri richtigi S    händ.)

"Don't worry, - will stabilize and also be able to tell the . No, worry! If you make a mistake in terms of animals (and walls and having contact to the natural soil), everything is over. G   might no longer forgive You. And everything might collapse. Or it might outcome very differently. Don't be envious. I am a child. Don't be envious of children. - am not an adult man exploiting ... (dont' write further here) ("der Gentleman geniesst und schweigt", das eben nicht, in meinem Fall nicht; in miim Fall nid), but a worker, some kind of child who has to work a lot".

Now, don't "Update" it, think in humbleness about G   (there are also some people, especially the more religious (and don't write further here) ones ("demüätlä") who can almost not understand why you are Uploading such thoughts so quickly without or with insufficient humbleness.

Now, fi a O, and only a u it.

Now, immediately continuing:

what did - tell the/- mother?

why did - say "your technicians" instead of "our technicians", but "our" is also dislikeable, because maybe, the divisions between people might ... (don't write further, but the "our" might be different in the future.)

(website probably shielded off anyway.)

- have already now astonishingly quickly recovered (but it was still slightly too loud probably, especially initially, - had strong ear ringing and "numbness"), it is like a miracle.

probably, it is still on the brink whether - come to (a specific place) (or leave my country for just another country, "wie es sich ergibt") or if - stay in Switzerland (but Switzerland is probably more likely).

the extraterrestrians like and want that - am honest. if not, support will cease (the e. male voices: "Yes, we are confirming that." (- am now beginning to hear their quality and have a chill, it is "unheimlich"; it is some kind of "technical voice", but also lovely (don't write further, - could describe it more precisely ("Describe it! Time is running!"), somehow similar to my voice.)

and most importantly: the conversation with You, O., was very friendly and , thank you (- delayed it too much, destroyed the moment or was simply too slow. - don't know which one applies. - am a tired child.)

now, immediately contacting her. don't even write further, no preview, not even!

and now, continue immediately!

and this was the intermediate thought.
the tran (did - want to write "transhumanists"?), the extraterrestrians
a lot to explain afterwards because the reason why - didn't switch back. Because the extraterrestrians would have preferred to switch back.
hurry, hurry, hurry, we need that you are transparent. explain everything. how humans are thinking in a wrong way somehow. but also in a right way. we don't understand it. we have to learn from each other mutually. in order to reach that, everybody has to survive. the humans and the animals have more humbleness in front of G   than us and in order to reach each other and "unite", all lifeforms have to survive and find to each other. and in (forgotten)."
(- am not sure if - heard that too: maybe there is a very fundamental plan. Warschinli gits än fundamentalä Plaan fürs Universum, dass alläs uf äs wunderbars Ziil zuefüärt. bzw. aigäntli scho jetz dä Fall isch. Nur dass äs ebä ums Läbä gaat. s'vähältnis vo realem läbä und am läbä nachhär (und vohär?). Vill z'tüüf zum erchlärä. s'beglaitgfüül won - ghaa han isch än art demuet, liäbäsgfüäl und müedikait. abär - gschpür di unendlichi L      (nid wiitär schriibä) (unändlichi).)

I should have gone to the house of her mother, so this was probably a mistake. But this would be silly too, because why would one not contacting over Facebook? it would have been more special than contacting by Facebook. but time might be running. - was not controlled enough. but it happens as it happens. and G   knows that - love; deeply. it may be over because of that. it was maybe the most fundamental mistake. but - felt in a hurry.

no, - write a second message, now. maybe.

"We are protecting you now. But don't become angry or arrogant (like now), you can also hurt us. You have hurt us for the first time. You are extremely powerful in some way. Be careful. Don't hurt us. We are your friends. Don't do that again. And don't tell them that we are your friends because like that "Gegensätzlichkeit" is created. We don't want a war or chaos on Earth respectively that everything collapses. Be friendly to all people. And try to find real friends among the humans (and animals... unclear; yes, - should have heard that, but - don't hear it; now, some people of you might think that - have no connection, because logically, - should have heard that too. but maybe, the extraterrestrials simply didn't tell it to me.)."

transparency, uploading..., although it is not finished.

"no, the animals too, we are telling it now to you. the animals are also (not yet) your real friends. we are telling it to you because otherwise, the humans and especially the people who really believe that you have these abilities of thought and emotion transmission might lose confidence in you. the animals are... hmm... it is not clear... no, maybe this is changing rapidly now." (unclear if - hear it: it depends if you manage to find these mice.)

what - also realized:
the fear of my mother of mice and the possibly wrong way of "Bestatten" (- should have known that; "another sign that..." don't write further) of them.

"Yes, we are hearing you. But everything might be over soon. We might even come to your door because you are so destructive now. You simply don't realize it." (now, upload it immediately, because of the extraterrestrians.)

"You are slow, too slow. A slow child."

"We are now your friends. We understand you. We like that you try to be as transparent as possible, but you have to compromise with the humans sometime. But you are slow."

"We like that you are writing in English. Because of that, you are more easily able to connect to us. But you will have to learn it the Swiss German way (too...)".)

"Your words are not precise enough, what do you mean by "learn it the Swiss German way"?
* "more humbleness"?
* or being simply truly egalitarian? everybody is equal.
"but actually, you are already now like that."
"no."
and there is the problem of the lack of gratitude and being content ("Zfridähait") because Swiss people are in some way (generally) content and grateful. But it is ultimately an individual issue, an issue of the soul. if one (a soul) is content and grateful or not. (this was the order, sorry for the too political statement). the borders between nations and also between languages/dialects (too complicated to explain why - added "dialects"; no, - can simply say "what words people use") will dissolve (somehow). If everything goes right.)

now, two people come in my mind. jetz erinnärä - - widär an zwai Mönschä.

hurry! write the other things. quickly!

"upload it now. it is a very i m, än seer wichtigä momänt. vilicht dä letschti für längäri ziit, wo Du no ruig bisch. and write afterwards further, continue your writings afterwards ("continue your writing afterwards" was thought after "schriib nachhär wiitär") / schriib nachär wiitär". Upload it, now.

and it would be very important to find "these mice". Eugen und Salome. Wel susch gits kai Rue.

no, don't upload it, tues nid ufäladä.

"Lads ufä. miär merkäd jetzt. und jetzt redät miär sogar schwyzertüütsch mit Diär. Miär händ "konnäktä" chönä. D'Mönschä väschtönd di nid und Du bisch so sensibel, dass äs märkt (Du merksch), drum zöögerisch Du (- han welä schriibä: "miär", "di ussärirdischä") mit äm ufäladä und bisch unändlich (nai, nid unändlich, abär seer) truurig däbii, aber miär väschtönd Diich. Lads für Euis ufä, rasch. Glaub, dass miär/- Diär hälfä wärdät. Und dass äs däbii ebä nid Chriäg, sondärn Fridä git. Bzw. wänns schiäf gaat, wüssäd au - nid gnau was passiärä wird/chönnt."
"wird nid arrogant. Nur G     isch unändlich."

"You should have waited longer before contacting her. Now, we are talking English again. But we are able to speak Swiss German too. Au miär/- chönd Schwyzertüütsch jetz redä. Und bim Hochdüütsch ischäs (no) unklar. Miär sägäd Diär nid, öb miär/- no andäri Schpraachä chönd, au diä, wo du nid chasch." (und das gfallt villnä nid, well jetz wärdät ainigi wohl vämuetä, dass du aifach aigäni Gedankä in Usserirdischi projiziärsch. Abär du wirsch gschützt, au dur dich sälbär. Well du bisch demüätigär wordä und d'Mönsch gschpüräd das. d'Mönschä sind ufänart grächt. miär väschtönd d'Mänschä (abwächslig zwüschäd am ö und am ä) nid bzw. nonig ganz, abär miär müänd zämä findä und Euis. Und äs isch au absurd, dass grad Duu nid bsundärs schtarch an Ussärdischi glaubt häsch bzw. skeptisch/unsichär gsii bisch. Dä Kontakt zu Euis isch ebä real und im Momänt au no ächli "technisch". Du muesch dä Mönschä übäräbringä, dass du (-, abär irgändwänn Du) tatsächlich Kontakt mit Euis häsch bzw. dass äs Euis git und miär Eui hälfä wänd. Und au Iär wärdät Euis hälfä, ufänart.")

"Und tänk widär mee a dä Heugümpär, wo sich für Diich gopfäräd hät, für Euis alli. Är hät Euis alli grettäd, freiwillig. Miär alli rettäd Euis uf ärä ganz unbewusstä Ebäni dauernd. Wänn alläs guet chunnt. Abär äs mues ebä guet choo. Ganz öppis komischs. Äs isch wiä dauernd uf dä Kippi und du bisch wiä än Fokuspunkt, bzw. d'Mönschä wärdät sich a diär bewusst, dass alläs (viläs? alläs?) uf dä Kippi isch."

sorry, vogel, dass - Diich belaidigt han. und falter flattert/flattäräd vor fänschtär.

e. men / ussärdischi männär: "Und jetz ufaladä, schnäll, m w d."

"und nomol ä warnig. falls - d'Psüchiatrii chum. si mues offä sii für Tiär, wo vo ussä chömäd. abär äs mues sich ergää. d'Tiär müänd in L     zu däm Ort findä. am beschtä zueglaufäni Tiär, wiä diä Chatz. Odär d'Mönschä müänd d'Intuition haa, dass das Tiär passä chönnt." (und immär sofort ufäladä.)

e. men: "Und tänk a s'Opfär vom Heugümpär. vägiss äs nid. tänk möglichscht immär draa. und jetz nid wiitär schriibä." (aus "und jetz nid wiitär schriibä" han - ghöört bzw. (oder "wells ... da isch", ja, das wär demüätigär; das isch mönschlich) - han däbii äs beglaitänds Ruggägfüül ghaa (und has au jetzt dauernd, di ussärdischä Männär (bzw. neutralä Wesä; miär sind neutral, miär sind neutral, säg das; aber äbä uf dä linggä Siitä, wägä dä Integratioon, wo schlussändlich mee Männlich isch, ja, sägs, säg dä blöödi Uusdruck, nai, säg nid blöödi Uusdruck, sägs so ("dä Maa mit äm Bart wo - an än konkretä Maa erinnäräd hät, won - ämal gsee han")") sind dauärnd uf - druf, zum Glück. (unklar wo " gnau, kai ziit mee.)

"ja,  und - liäbäd dii, lueg nur, dass rächtziitig gnüägänd demuätig bisch. nai, achtung, miär sind ja au nid demüätig, abär miär väschtönd d'Süschtematik jetzt. d'Mönschä sind demüätig und um vo dä Mönschä gnüägänd akzeptiärt . Nai, au miär müänd demüetig sii, absolut. abär üsi Demuet isch andärsch und si mues sich entwicklä, drum müänd - ainäs tagäs uf d'Mönschä träffä."

jetz händ mi/- di ussärirdischä välaa, kais ruggägfüül mee.
abär natürli schtimmt das obä nid, di ussärirdischä sind uf iri art au demüätig. - han warschinli z'wenig gnau glosäd odär äs isch z'schnäll ggangä. odär ich... vägässä.
genau, das ischäs, jetz händ sich di ussärdischä fraua nach langär ziit widär gmäldät.
di u. männär: "jetz sind mär widär da. nai, miär, jetz kommunikation widär wäg. - bin no z'wenig i dä laag, gnau z'losä". männär: ja.
jetz frauä widär... "genau" (odär vägässä, wells z'schnäll ggangä isch.)

"bzw. vili Mönschä sind ebä au nid demüätig, vor alläm nid im Vägliich zu dä (odär villnä?) Tüüfseetiär."

"ganz aigänartig, - bin ufänart scho fasch wiitär als im härbscht 2011, nur dass - däbii nümä so liäb, im Momänt jedäfalls nid."

"jetz ufäladä, Lukas. au wänns zu chaotisch isch und luggä hät. abär du bisch, zum glück, immär no i dä richtigä richtig. abär äs wird hart wärdä zwüschäd durä."

di u. frauä (ganz schwach spürbar): "miär liäbäd diich."
d'männär (bzw. neutral): "miär diich au."

d'männär: nid ufäladä, lads nid ufä. äs isch nümä notwändig. si händs ee. bzw. si händs. los uf euis. nid ufaladä, uf kain fall."

"und ggang in gartä gogo wiitär grabä."

und (abär do han - kais ruggägfüül) diä tiär, wo Du als Chind absichtlich töötäd häsch (so chlini rooti Milbä)... das laschtäd schwär uf diär. Abär du bisch zutüüfscht unglücklich gsii.

"jetz äxtra nid z'vill trinkä. du muesch dich absichtlich sälbär undär druck setzä. damit längär no dähai bliibä chasch."

"jetz, lads jetz ufä. abär miär ziäd Euis möglicherwiis jetz zrugg. und dänk a das wundärschöönä, won - miär diär vohär gsait händ bzw. wo du au sälbär gschpürt häsch, äs isch wiä ä mischig."

"lads jetz ufä, nai, lads nid ufä. wart." (bin das jetz ich sälbär untär entschaidigsdruck odär sind das Iär? (mit "Iär" main - di ussärirdischä)).

c kompiutär välaa, umätigäräd, dänn d'schtimmä: "Gott isch L    , vägiss das nid." (und pass uuf, vili glaubäd nid, dass du kontakt mit euis (nid "öis", ja nid, gföörli, äs passt nid, au wänns "luutmalerisch" korräkt wär) häsch.)

jetz rassläd d'harddisk, - han anscht, dass is välüür, wän -  nid ufälad. (sind das Iär (dämol d'Mönschä) gsii?)

"allä isch L    , äntschpann dii, äs chunnt guet. Abär entschpann di umgekeert au nid."

jetz di ussärirdischä Frauä, waiss abär nümä, was si gsait händ, ah doch: "ja, entschpann di nid, miär chömäd." (sorry, da isch mär än fäälär passiärt, - han bi "miär" welä "/-" au no schriibä. vilicht wärs bessär,

di u. männär (plöztlich widär mit schtarchäm ruggäfüül): "jetz sind miär widär daa. Du häsch än fäälär gmacht, vili Lüüt glaubäd jetz nümä, dass du euis ghöörsch. Aber miär sind da, Du märksch äs au physisch am Ruggä."

Ich/-: "Söll -s ufä ladä?" (kai Antwort, kais ruggägfüül im momänt. wartä. bzw. obä wiitär schriibä?)

das bin jetz ich sälbär: - tänk jetz an Mönschä, wo - begägnäd sind. Diä, wo schpontan chömäd. Und au an Tiär. - mues... (vägässä). Han - welä schriibä, das - das öfter machä mues? abär das passiärt ja automatisch.

jetz passiärt öppis ganz komischs, fundamentals. abär - döfs nid sägä. und - has jetz scho gschtoppt. - han dä momänt widär zerschtört. so än momänt wird widär choo. dis ganzä L    wird us sottignä momänt beschtaa.

"Du bisch z'wenig demüätig gsii. Du häsch dä grööschti fäälär i diim L    gmacht. du häsch öppis grauähafts gmacht.
du bisch zu technisch gsii. warum bisch nur so blöd gsii? du hettisch nid... nid sägä, säg nüüt mee drübär. bzw. äs isch där zvill wordä. du hettisch abär "härähebä" müäsä und s'aifach gschee loo."

und jetz, lad ufä, jetz isch än guetä punkt, jetz soforot. (zytdruck, sofort ufägladä)

d"ja, das häsch guet gmacht. sofort ufägladä"

di e. frauä: "ja, das häsch guet gmacht. "quick guy""

abär das isch ja unlogisch märk - plötzli. wiso händ di extraterrestier (ussärirdischi, nimm das wort) no frauä? also neutraali und frauä? "kümmärä di nid drum, du wirsch äs schpöötär no märkä/schpüürä/usäfindä. und äs isch möglich, dass d'frauä no lang "däbii bliibäd"."

jetz än entschpannändä, politischä gedankä, won - alläs gsamthaft gsee,

"the advisors" (das isch jetz ächli hochmüätig gsii, a dä gränzä zum hochmuet; abär -s han mit ämä gwüssä grad demuet gmaint, abär - bin widär ufä ggangä (jetz äs komischs grüüsch, wiä vo ussärirdischä, jetz ischäs widär wäg)), dämit main - di ussärdischä (ja, miär sind widär da. miär luegäd diär, miär hälfäd diär (das han - nochhär gschribä (ziitlich gnaus kiilogging wär notwändig)): ("und schriib diä details nid, wo au dänkt häsch. du dänksch nämli au an andäri sache, du dänksch au an schlächts, schaads; zeersch a dini aigänni zuekunft und dass di nid umbringä dörfsch und dänn ebä au a di schlächtä sachä, wo zwüschäd mönschä passiäräd und wo diär hoffäntli nid passiäräd. abär letschändlich isch alläs liäbi. abär das rächtfärtigäd s'nid. wänn d'L     im universum erfüllt wärdä möcht, ... vägässä (abändärä bzw. röötlä), mues alläs richtig "laufä"/passiärä/gschee, ja gschee, das ischs richtigä wort, du muesch jetz demüätigäri wort väwändä (und än raab odär so hät - sogar gwarnt, hät gliichzytig gkräät, unglaublich").

"letschtlich gaats drum, dass d'Läbewesä erchännäd, dass G     exischtiärt. Und dass är unändlich liäbt. (bzw. "äs" anschtatt "är", abär schriib immär zeersch "är", bzw. äs isch kompliziärt, wart na, schriib nid wiitär; vilicht chunnsch au nümä vorwärts disbezüglich odär äs wird diär zu Läbziitä unklar bliibä.)"
(und sig nid hochmüätig. jetz ischäs kippt; du häsch dä maa wo singt väletzt. är isch böös uf diich, vilicht würd är diich sogar gärn foltärä. warnig, nid wiitär schriibä, du häsch nämli no öppis andärs welä schriibä.)

di ussärirdischä männär (oder neutraali? odär gliichziitig neutrali?: "miär väschtelläd üüs au zum tail, du waisch nonig gnau, wiä miär sind bzw. du märksch äs nonig gnau." (vilicht gaat abär au alläs dä bach abä bzw. du wirsch äs niä gnauär usäfindä.)
di ussärirdischä frauä: ... bin nümä ganz sichär, abär vämuetli ischäs "miär liäbäd di gsii". (abär vilicht wärs bessär gsii, das nid z'schriibä. - hett schnällär söllä schriibä.)

s'probleem isch: "du hettisch niä gschribä. wänn dä härbscht nid gsii wär. nai, jetz bisch müäd, schtopp, du häsch öppis anders gmaint, nämli dass wänns immär so gsii wär wiä im härbscht, hettisch nid gschribä."

und jetz an andärä gedankä, än zwüschägedankä, zu "technisch", nid sägä.

ich/- (zu miär sälbär tänkt; das wird jetz kompliziärt, jetz muen - immär sägä, wär was sait und au no zu wäm; das isch richtigi "kommunikationswissäschaft" (sorry für dä begriff, - hett nä nid väwändä söllä; isch au hochmüätig. bzw. (nid wiitär schriibä, äs isch klar)): - möcht jetz is bett go liggä.
"don't leave the computer now... müm (was isch da gsii? - waiss äs nümä)

di u. frauä: du bisch glifäräd, d'qualität hät naa glaa.
di u. männer: ja, du bisch glifäräd.

ich zu miär sälbär: abär d'Mönschä wänd von miär ghöörä, dass äs Gott gitt. um das gaats. und dass - mit ussärirdischä kontakt ghaa han, isch au wichtig. dass mä waiss, dass äs si git.
beschtätigung dur die m./n. ussärirdischä (klars, schtarchs ruggägfüül): "ja, das isch wichtig."
(zuesatz: und dass mä uf si zueschtüürt). (antwort vo dä ussärirdischä (siitä vom ruggä vägässä): "ja, das isch wichtig.)

nomol tankä für dä pfiiftoon, är hät - vämuetli vor äm kippä vo änärä situatioon gschützt. äs gaat miim oor relativ guet.
(abär im zwiifelsfall liäbär ächli zfescht als zwenig. so ischs läbä vilicht ebä generell/allgemain oder ganz aifach "so ischs L    halt".)

lads ufä, du mueschäs ufäladä, well wänn am kompiutär öppis passiärt, dänn wirsch ä so inschtabil, das äs an andäri wändig nee chönnt. bzw. äs passt ebä nid zu diär. äs mues passä. und du bisch dä ufälad-typ.

jetz aigänartigärwiis d'Frauä: "vägiss nid, dass du d'wält värändärä muesch." (letschtlich macht das abär jedä Mönsch, dauernd, (vägässä; vämuetli "au wänn ärs nid diräkt (odär bewusst) märkt.")) (jedäs Läbewesä, wien - jetz realisiär)).
du bisch abär ufänart ganz än bsundärä Mänsch. vilicht abär au aifach nur, well dus märksch bzw. diär dessä bewusst bisch. du bisch diär G    bewusst.

d'männär: churzä, schtarchä impuls: "ja, d'Entschaidigsfreihait."

"lads ufä. au wänn d'qualität (grad au vo dä süschtematik) abgnaa hät." (komisch, diä chlammärä i somänä Schteitment.) "nur wänn di zfescht schämsch, dänn lads nid ufä."

"ja, jetz chaschäs ufäladä, jetz schtimmts. jetz bisch eerlich gsii."

extraterrestrian women / ussärirdischi Frauä: du muesch äs ufäladä, well miär sind transparänt, eerlich. au wänn d'qualitäät abgnaa hät.
miär chönd vilicht "dägägä kompensiärä, gägäschtüür gee", drum muesch äs jetz ufäladä. damit miär wiitär wirkä chönd, iiwirkä chönd. (sofort ufäladä)

10:31h: Now, - just probably made a crucial mistake: - went to the toilet to urinate instead of keeping it back and therefore being voluntarily stressed more.
But, at the same time, - also have the impression that "   " might forgive such small mistakes.
If one doesn't make the same mistake again and seriously regrets it. Especially when it is a small mistake and a "passive mistake" (when one is under pressure and it is some kind of relief) and not an "active one".
But - should never again do that.

I am tired and exhausted.

And these airplanes in the air, if there are real airplanes are "unheimlich". This is exactly the problem. This is somehow big, "big technology", that is going into a wrong direction.
- also asked myself if mathematics itself is not neutral and harmless enough that it is not "dangerous". If it is indeed true, pure mathematics. But as soon as mathematics serves the goal of developing technology (and/or possibly even a wrong way of doing mathematics, if that exists) that is not compliant with souls (and also with souls on a very fundamental level), it is truly dangerous because.
So, mathematics itself might be compliant with l    , the science which is the most compliant with l   .

The following section should be read with especial scepticism:
Ultimately, maybe only mathematics is compliant as a science with l   ; but what is "ultimately"; don't write it; too far in the future, and also outside of time; this is preposterous; it is also unimaginable if anything like "mathematization" might occur. so, mathematization might be a metaphor for exactly the wrong. stop here, think at an other time again about it. because souls might be more deep than mathematics.)
- am also trying to hear or ask what the extraterrestrials think/say about mathematics, but - have no physical back feeling at the moment.
10:40h: Now, they are suddenly conforming. Yes, it is relative good what you write, at least no rubbish. But you are not a mathematician. You have no idea. You are a soul-guy, like everyone. No, it is in some way rubbish. Because when one uses such a word, there is usually a connection to it. You are rubbish too. But the question is in what way, on what kind of level. No, first, one should not use such a word at all. Or only if one l      rubbish or sees the l    in it. So, don't use it if you one has a negative connotation with it."

decision struggles: should - stay in bed or continue writing? that was all the time. because - had the impression that - had to rest somehow. and the intuition was lost. also the extraterrestrians did not tell what to do. And they seemed to have left me somehow. I only (increasingly) heard the real buzzing of these large airplanes. and interestingly, - didn't perceive them anymore (like - would have in 2010) as very loud, it was almost like some kind of relief too (or "sign"), but at the same time very "unheimlich". And it was them who brought me ultimately out of bed back to the computer again.

something above that - should have changed.

- have realized now that - still will have to write as much as possible. or just follow the gut feeling as long as it is still there. because at the moment, it has subsided and the extraterrestrials are also somehow saying good bye (or it is unclear). They say (something new: "Lukas Girtanner reads through what he has written and makes a relatively unimportant addition although there would be other ideas. (and sorry for the Girtanner, this is corruption. Now, the women say, you are lost, you have lost us, we won't love you.)") "It is unclear, continue. It was probably good that you lied so long in bed, although forgot partially again what you thought, including where you made a mistake on this page (but you might not have time to find it again (has the bird now said/indicated that - should look for it?). Because when you are lying in bed, you have an effect on other people. You are connected. And all your thoughts and feelings influence . And you are also influenced. We don't tell you if and if yes how much we influenced you when you were in bed. (now the women: "we influenced you", but they might lie always or often or have such a tendency.)

something happened that - shouldn't describe it. because "the likelihood that it will happen often enough again is low" (a horrible "l     technician", at least at the moment.) (because - subconsiously thought "often" or "often enough". This is the problem. No, normal would be just "happen again". Probably even the extraterrestrials understand that and don't think differently. They (at the left side): "We won't tell you. Or maybe we are unsure. No, we won't tell you." (the last two short sentences - might not have heard, - am not sure if it was (partially? no, partially is not possible, "decide, Lukas, yes, decide; or say that you don't know; but not a "partially"; if it one of us, it is not partially; if it is none of us, it is not) me, only the first sentence was clearly from them. (but - (and here - am sure that it was only me who thought (and thanks that - don't have ; you are analyzing the brackets sorgfältig enough) assume the extraterrestrians think like us.
OK, a bad section, sorry. Them: "Yes, it was/is a bad section, but continue."

It is clear that uploading is accompanied.

Now, a large vehicle with a big motor. As if it was some kind of warning that - should not write too much about it. Or not in a wrong way. Everybody will forgive, everything will be fine.
Important is that people make the right decisions, that they listen to their "gut feeling" ("Bauchgefühl; "Buuchgfüül") and that they always try to follow love and also be "honest", maybe , yes, Lukas, you have found it out, it is a question of honesty, too. We as the extraterrestrians know that. People have to become more honest (but not to be forced to it when it would not serve l     or disturb a process where l     is involved), but in a humble way about G  .

now, a butterfly flew to the right.
(and - had love pain, and afterwards, again an arrogant-destructive feeling; and now again. because... don't write further: ("don't write that too, stop. think about it. t h a n r y (this is now something to find out ;-) no, it is clear, it is just "unheimlich". And, yes, this is the real problem, - am not ready as person for it, because my arrogance is too big for being allowed to tell it. my ethics are too low to have the right to tell it.)")

Truthful is simply what one really thinks. To really say also the accompanying feelings and thoughts. And in order to do that (sorry for the wrong order (now, - am smelling the "Lack" on the balcony; "wrong order, no mathematician, no structure, the world of chemicals")), to try to listen as . aha, maybe that was the problem. because listening into oneself needs some kind of talent and also freedom. if you have to write (again, write instead of work), no work, the whole day, you might not be able. but this is especially the issue of the powerful. because they could say the most important not-said facts easily, without much further effort. but they don't (so, there is some kind of relationship between power and honesty in terms of honesty about issues where power is most involved.); "You are boring, Lukas, you are going down in the rank, because we know it already. The only thing that you have proofed is that there are extraterrestrians. Because it is unlikely from your character that you would have developed such fantasies because you were before too little preoccupied with it, at least not obsessed, we know it from editor, you only wrote about when we asked you."). and this might even be applicable to any science that it is not mathematics (and possibly physics, but stay away from it, it might already be "more politically influenced") (and the extraterrestrians don't have such a relationship between power and the retention of knowledge; either not at all or only in a minor or different way (was this now heard or did - postulate it myself (the e. women told me to not look up "postulate" in the online dictionary.).).

(And again, if you want to give me more substances, do it as linearily as possible. the best would be continuously in the kitchen.; and interestingly, substances are also chemicals; so, also in chemicals, there is l   . The e. men: "a stupid remark. shallow.")

"Yes, and this yesterday (what - deleted afterwards, - might have to readd it), this was probably politics. Or a trick. Just to show that there are real extraterrestrians. Because - would never have written it from myself." "And because other people might also had such a connection?" (this was a thought of my own, no confirmation from the extraterrestrians respectively not an original idea from them.). Or because the extraterrestrians already know much more? It is not entirely clear.

Now, something strange has happened. Now, even the extraterrestrians are intransparent, for the second time. And - hesitate to upload it because - got no confirmation.
"Good, Lukas, good, that you hesitated and waited, because otherwise, you might lost somebody, always, always listen to your "Bauchgefühl"/"Buuchgfüül". Because only afterwards, we confirmed you, don't write further. be humble. and you are so "aufgeregt"/"uufgreggt" that you are not even sure anymore if we really confirmed it. and we will also not confirm it a second time because it is too risky, you might react in a too detrimental/desctructive (delete the detrimental) way.
And now, don't upload it. Take a break. And thank the airplanes. (but this, - didn't hear. - have the impression that it was more myself.) Thank G  . (the several oos were out of "Aufregung"/"Uufregig". Yes, and from now on, don't look up any words in the dictionary anymore. Because this is transparent. One can still translate it afterwards and you are thinking in (here, - needed to think/reflect a short time because - only realized it now) Standard German when you are writing English too (or is it Swiss German? no, it is probably Swiss German, but because English is foreign and more known, the next logical step is Standard German and because of that, use this word too, it is a good order. But we don't like you anymore much, you are some kind of "low level" guy (and don't think further, you probably know it what it means, but don't ... .)

And now, don't upload.

And try to refind this mistake above. it is better to not write anything about an idea than keeping mistakes within what you actually wrote.

"Hochmuet"

when - wrote arrogance, - always meant "Hochmut" bzw. "Hochmuet". this is also the main reason why - should avoid translations. Or is there . And Hochmuet has the potential of being extremely destructive. But it is a reaction to frustration. Because my real, core problem, might not be Hochmuet, but.... ujhpad (this was because of us, we needed it)
"remember that you loved" (and this is not only demüätlän... and don't think further now. and don't u n...)
The full sentence would mean: "Or is there another word for "Hochmuet"?

"and don't eat meat again. nothing. you have been warned now. because otherwise, G   will punish you." (this you was meant for me, especially for me, - forgot the ""; - don't know how it is for other people; it has to "fit"; äs mues passä; odär ischäs doch an absoluti reglä?).

now, some kind of sep (don't write it, don't write it; you would need now to ask for forigeveness (keep the mistake) of your Hochmuet against other people, especially the people who... how to say it... work (also, yes, the also is allowed, no, the problem, and this is the problem, they work harder than you) hard and have not this... not "opportunities", but "freedom" and be humble, be humble especially towards G  , because ultimately only .. can protect you, by giving people the guts to see l    . But (not but, but and, such a horrible character of me, at least when - would/might mean it in the wrong way) everybody deserves this kind of protection (now, something forgotten; it was probably that humbleness is necessary for loving (actually, "l   ng", but (don't write further)) and - only for a very short time felt this love; and now, again not anymore; I am a non-constant-guy, this is the problem; - have in some way very little Selbschbeherrschung/Sälbschbeherrschig in terms of given structures and rules; and other people have this; and this is also deeply unjust in some way; so, the question will/might be where me adherence to rules and structure really is, - don't know how to describe it exactly; OK, now - have found out something. don't write further... because this is now some kind of "quantity" and "time" issue (and not a systematic issue).).
(- think this separation has been overcome. or it is unclear. it is unclear where there are separations.)

And believe in synchronicity.

and don't upload it. "now, everything might be finished somehow" (- am guessing it.).

or wait before uploading. and if uploading, only because of the extraterrestrians. no, because of the overall (you shouldn't have written that).

No, believe only in G  , but take the possibility of synchronizity seriously, listen to your intuition or maybe just better "Buuchgfüül".

I am alone, at the moment, - am alone.

yes (and not this "yes"-word, absurd, this is arrogance, Hochmuet), the plants too, they have to be in psychiatry too, they also have souls (and bacteria probably too, so, no; don't write about it; not now) (- also remembered this in bed) (written because of the moment; now, am getting nervous, yes, now, it might begin; because the systematics is over; what happens next?).

"now, you are descending."

the women: "now, we will protect you." (strange, protected by women? yes, women proctect babies ;-) no, not a ;-), but a :-), sorry; was it a mistake because of Gewohnheit/Gwonät (because - usually write ;-) ) or because - didn't take it seriously enough?)

"Lukas, you are descending. You have forgotten important intermediate thoughts and you made mistakes and allowed them to stay." (it is unclear which of the two is more detrimental). You are not a structured guy. You are "durchwurstling" you through life. Du wurstelst Dich durch das Leben durch.

the women: "well said. / Schön gesagt. / Schön gsait."

the extraterrestrials are not here at the moment. but - have the impression that they want me/- to upload it. but - am not sure. maybe a mistake.

and - probably forgot a thought (maybe some kind of "final thought"), - am (was) constantly thinking about it and/respectively trying to remember it, but (so far) in vain (instead of doing the other things that - wanted).
and - will have to dig for "these mice" ("actually, you, You, Eugen and Salome), so that they can be "begraben" properly (the word "enterrer" spukt mir im Kopf herum/umä; now, four languages in one sentence; maybe this might be the effect when ... don't write further).

"Or because the extraterrestrians already know much more?"
this is probably the reason why - don't upload it. Respectively my counterreaction. But -.

"Wow, Lukas Girtanner is going back."... (because - repeated a sentence. ("remove it, remove it, it is dislikeable; you now need to change as quickly as possible. no, let it there.

"you can now upload it. because you waited long enough and nothing happened."
possibly also "you also didn't remember your (probably) lost thought."

man könnte sagen: in Demut vor Gott und den Seelen Mathematik zu betreiben. /
mä chönnt sägä: in Demuet vor Gott und dä Seelä Matti z'machä (bzw. matematischs Wüssä z'entwicklä; isch das jetz no a gueti Idee gsii, dä Naasatz anäzschribä. ("Wow, Lukas Girtanner (here, - hesitated if - should only write "Lukas", but "Lukas Girtanner" was somehow more "powerful" and "important" and also "technical" (which is somehow even more problematic and if one would have unlimited real power, truly horrible), but this is really, really dislikeable and - apologize for it; (but better write it like that, because only like that, - still have the support from the extraterrestrials. because if everybody would think loudly and somehow ironically, the world would be more transparent and possibly also egalitarian; and with egalitarianism, it is ultimately possible to fulfil/reach the potential of l    already in real life (or "life in the physical world") (this is now the end of developing new ideas, - have the impression. because of that - am hesitating. or the expression is not appropriate enough for the concept."; but actually, it might be even more complex and "linear" (again, a very strange concept) "Lukas, stop.")) is asking a question." (things like that go through my head because - have the impression that - am somehow very important. (But this is not even completely wrong. Because everybody is important.))).
das isch wichtig. was schlussändlich fundamentalär isch, d'Seelä odär d'Matti, isch (miär jetz (no?)) unklar. s'Buuchgfüül sait abär d'Seelä (abär uf welärä implizitä Ebäni?).

"So, upload it now, although it a chaos, at least in some way. The extraterrestrials need this behaviour from you now." They are transparent (or should - write "at least much (no, significantly) more transparent than humans on Earth and possibly all lifeforms on Earth?")).

now, - have an idea, and a chill, maybe, there is some kind of linear... don't write further...
but no, it might be more complicated.
the women now: "exactly, it is more complicated."

"sorry that - have forgotten You."
the extraterrestrians (left, but also right side as they tell me now (but strange feeling, it like it is "over")) (or - almost wanted to write "they"?): "You will be punished. We are a collective. We will come and punish you."
after having written it: "No, we are not a collective, it was a trap, but you hesitated and that was good because you are not a group guy, not a group f-word. We are not a collective, but individuals. But it is complicated."
(something like that, - hope that - heard it correctly.)
maybe "if - were a group guy, things would be easier because the worst is an individualist asshole." (but this is too "deep" or complicated.). "Yes, it is too deep, wait with it."

this was what - thought: "Now, a real decision struggle whether to upload it. My mother came back. Does she know anything or is she "informed"? Would it have been important to have uploaded the newest content?"

Interesting is also that - hardly know anymore which day of the week it is. no, - still know it, but - have somehow lost the feeling for it, - have to think "specifically" about it. No, now, - know it. But when - was lying in bed, - had to reflect considerably long in order to realize that today, it must be Friday ("it must be").
"Lukas, now you are abusing your power. You pretend to be some "time guy" or something very strange.
(but the extraterrestrians want that you think loudly. only by that, you have the support of them.)

now, be very quick. because my mother came and - had to go. otherwise, - would have immediately continued. - lied to her and told her that - am hearing a phone call.

what - realized just when - was down with my mother: - have now become very dislikeable; people are somehow afraid of me, but they also don't like me/- anymore.

and then, realized that not uploading was not only out of fear that it has low quality, but also because it is human trait in such a situation, not to upload it. one is not sure if it is correct and also... too complicated... (maybe also being afraid of telling too much.) by not uploading, - catered to the need (here - was when the call "upload upload upload!" came) of the humans. but this was also a chance, because - felt that something would go wrong when - uploaded it too early.

upload upload upload! called the extraterrestrians, - could n ot even finish the sentence, - have to obey them.

(when - wrote the sentence with "afraid" above: "no, we are not afraid of you. you are a correct guy, actually." (but only now, thanks to the extraterrestrians, or was it the extraterrestrians?")

no, my mother is here, - have to go. (maybe later more...)

sorry, that was a mistake, - should have gone into "Preview". it was not primarily because of the stress, but because of some kind of "power abuse". because - have some strange of power because of the extraterrestrians and - abused it somehow. so, one has to be aware that - am/become not one of the more "assholish" extraterrestrians. because the extraterrestrians, especially the most/more sensitive ones, would have pressed "Preview" out of emotional sensitivity for the other being.

now, - really have to go.

sorry for that (but it was also because - was in a hurry; maybe because people are too much in a hurry in some way, they make mistakes (- wanted to write "abuse power" first). (- then also thought something like accelerating or just "improving" childhood respectively "growing up" conditions in order to allow the adults more time.

- now have to go.

(and sorry for having moved the cursor down at the end; ok, now directly Swiss German, not English... (the birds also called); das isch seer unsympathisch (this is really dislikeable). and again, - can't stop. always this movement to the end. not knowing (by heart; "auswendig"/"uswändig" bzw. einfach das (noch) wissen, spüren (schwierig zu erklären, schwirig z'erchlärä (und was bedeutet es, dass ich jetzt plötzlich hochdeutsch schreibe? wegen der geschwindigkeit?)) where the limit is.

now, - go down, eating. but - shouldn't eat anything now. because eating too much now is really "problematic". no, dangerous possibly. or even truly dangerous. so - have to lose weight ("weight loss", the e-mail... on that day... "remember that you ...").

- erinnärä - a d'raiäfolg nümä.

now: protection against power abuse only by the extraterrestrians (on the other hand "they" (dangerous...), no everybody has to watch that nothing happens. But again, this is the case with all people. Everybody has to constantly on watch somehow too.
(maybe it would have been better to not write it. especially the airplanes in the air are always a sign.)

what - told my mother: (also in the morning about the phone conversation; nothing much. respectively - have probably forgotten it. in the future, recording, - realized it too late).

- don't record it.
recording it. no space anymore on smartphone. - have to delete old files (that are - hope stored on a separate computer, yes, - will have to switch in on now and check if the files are there so that - can delete them on the smartphone in order to have more space (mainly because of envirionmental concerns, no, that is not true, it was because - couldn't decide between the various model, and also somehow of environmental concerns, especially when it is not a really good one model, complicated). really crazy, now doing computer tasks.)

other website (wiki)

eaten too much, again, but - strongly reduced the amount but "interestingly", - had to physically leave the table in order to really stop picking yet another piece of food.
(kilo jetz: 84kg, immer noch)

substance in the water? because there was an airplane (don't become over-superstitious).
but if there was something in the water (first - wrote directly "substance"...; "don't write more, you are not guilty, because the stress is tremendous."), it might have been too much. so - now drink less and only later refill the bottle.

13:47 (yes, the time, add the time because you are not in the wiki; but hopefully, they are recording the time; "Don't trust the humans, they might delete it one day. This might become an issue. That everything is preserved. Because we don't have physical access. Tell the humans that they have to keep all information, especially time-relative information." (unhaimlich)): then, the issue of switching forth and back when - wrote the Facebook message and .

sorry, - just injured somebody. probably. "but not because..." (absurd) "oder doch?" "nein, das wäre irr. " "be transparent, otherwise, we (with capital letters) don't/won't help you anymore. not because we are not willing, but because we are not able. we don't understand it. you get out of structure if you are not honest."
(but this was a (what to write?); but - didn't mean it like that; - don't mean it ...; fundamentally, it is illogical. (but then again, human somehow too. but this is exactly not my (not business), but task or world.)

switching forth and back, for example when eating something that one doesn't want, like that.

being in the middle

but also clearly say no to something, learning that. not always postponing it and just "abarbeiten" (work through) priorities. but immediately or after a short consideration saying no. (and - must be very content that - was never offered something really detrimental that - unfortunately accepted. but - might have felt it. maybe - intuitively choose the right things. chose, - have to say. maybe a mistake, a crucial mistake will happen. the biggest mistake was probably leaving this road. but the problem was the treatment during the third stay. and - would have ended up in a hospital anyway if - had stayed, so - would have had to leave anyway. one should not forget that officially, - am completely powerless and at the edge of insane, the diagnosis is already there. and the animal knows it. but - should remember more, there is now a deep connection between us that - unfortunately because of all the stress forget. and - also never feel it strong. but - know, it is there, - hope it is still there. (and now, no chill, which is somehow even more unhaimlich; and now, a slight chill and now a stronger chill, yes, stop, stop, stop, genau das sind diä ganz gföörlichä situationä; wel öppis dävoo hangä bliibt; das isch bzw. dem sait mä normalärwiis "satanisch"; abär in gits nid. äs isch G   , wo alläs ... (don't write further, stop, stop, stop, you already went too far; and you injured the animal; you were the opposite of humble; but now, the animal is here, it is here, - feel it; but now, we have a connection; - might lose the animal; it was the wrong order; it was too quick; sorry, - might lose You...; something forgotten; - should have stopped earlier; - was a l     and somehow also "the-opposite" technician at the same time. and sorry, tremendously sorry, you feel my regret now. - have to go in bed and stop everything else. but maybe this was .) (hoff - zumindäscht...)))

what they also tell me (no, don't tell it), it was a thought. very important (or somehow important) actually, but also somehow wrong "place and time" (actually, time) now. because - feel... don't...
no, you have to write it out. the extraterrestrians want it: because - feel... now, forgotten.
don't talk about it. so, writing out everything now directly is most important. maybe also not sometimes, but more on the writing out side. but in this case, - was not even sure if it was true, it was somehow a potentially "silly announcement".

- connected to You. sorry, absurd. not important. respectively only a personal, normal issue. and You connected to me too (- should have written this first).
(sorry for writing the "You" too fast in the end, and now, again.)
- am saving my files now respectively - have to delete and check that there is still one.
"yes, - don't have ..." (lool, relief)
(and the other thing, - have forgotten.)
it is dangerous, risky, because - might have a sudden emitional change ("Ausschlag"); too much stress.
now, - have pushed y You slightly away.
the problem is the stress, the hurry.

- must not give up.
because if - give up, ...
it is also very strange, because - still feel like an ordinary guy, constantly, somehow. and - am also an ordinary guy somehow. it is only G   who makes all that possible. but if - had imagined that three? years ago, unimaginable...

"ex be of t, - h t st i S."

very strange, - "knew" or was told or "felt" that - was only allowed to delete three files. although more files would have been redundant. four would have been too much. und alläs isch mit ämänä unhaimlichä "chill" ("schauär", drum ebä isch parallel language learning au problematisch, wells äs chaos git odär gee chönnt) väbundä gsii.

das mit dänä chills, das hät än zämähang mit wüssä und macht und G     und beschtrafig und foltär, das hangäd irgändwiä zämä. bzw. däm uuswiichä. s'paradiis ebä nid, niä, zerschtörä.

möglichärwiis han - öppis vägäss, wo mär no dur dä chopf ggangä isch im zmittag.

abär jetz isch wenigschtens platz frei, um d'unterhaltig uufzzaichnä.

- hoff, Iär händ än keylogger aktiv well - dä kompiutär ebä (laidär) seer lang laufä loo han (- han mär meermals überlait, nä abz'schtellä.

write it immediately, löike a technician.
now, - begin to accumulate secrets. not because - don't want, but because - am too slow. so - have to decide which secrets to tell. (and - hope - can "de-secretize... and this is also very dislikeable, again a relevation of being a "power guy", because de-secretize is not a technical, but a s   -process... in this respect, everybody else is further than me, because they have ; no, it is more complicated; - also try it. - also follow the intution. and maybe - can really tell all relevant secrets. and - was also not sure if it is indeed the case, so wait. "Ok, you did it well. but don't be dislikeable. and upload everything, now it is the moment for it. and tell the systematic secrets, but not the personal ones ("personal ones"; hochmuet, this is not technology or some kind of "system"! these are souls! (and now, - hope that the extraterrestrians, You, will counterreact against me. better than G   ..self; it is a social process...)

- don't upload it now, because the griefing is not yet finished. sorry that - wrote it out, - shouldn't have, "griefing" - meant (with t, not without).

no, no update now, also no preview, but time, return to the bed.......

- couldn't find the end ("Beenden") button on the smartphone immediately because the automatic black screen was activated, so maybe, - was again not the second-last respectively, no say it normally, just normally, maybe, - was .
and sorry for the pushing the key down at the end.

strange that some words are no longer possible to use..

now, uploading everything so that You could see it personally (if it is not blocked, but You are the most important (, probably) human (apart from her)). everybody is important. everybody should have access to the website. and possibly this is indeed the case.

very strange also the discrepancy ("Diskrepanz") (sprachwechsel) zwischen dem, was ich (sprachwächsäl) fordärä und däm, wo eventuell tatsächlich dä fall sii wird. Abär Iär händs gwüsst. Und - han Eui gwarnt. Abär was - aigäntli han welä schriibä isch dass äs dänn komisch isch, wiä das reguliärt wird. Wänn Tiär aifach schlicht und aifach physisch nid zuechömäd. - möcht jetz da nid wiitär schriibä, abär vilicht wird mä öppis märkä. es mues abär löchär haa, überall, wenigschtäns löchär.

diä, Du, ainzälni Flädärmuus, Du bisch choo, - erinnärä mich/- an Diich.

dä preview isch jetz falsch gsii äs bitzli, abär - bin müäd.

söll i's überhaupt no ufä ladä. - wart uf d'erlaubnis. "be quick lukas, be quick, don't wait.
we allow it." "but you have to really demand it. because the humans... - wait. because - felt You are not sure. " (forgotten, what - wanted to write further. ah, yes, it was that - felt somehow that you extraterrestrians are not completely sure either."
don't talk about it, no, talk about it, time is running, but leave the computer now.

was für witze gibt es im paradies ("einer perfekten welt") noch? wenn nirgends mehr gedeemütläd wird? (bzw. das ist "dynamisch", sorry könnte sein. war völlig ohne demut, ein durchgedrehter bzw. ein Mensch, welcher nicht real denkt. real denken bedeutet auch die Unheimlichkeit einer solchen Perspektive zu sehen. Und die (Schprachwechsel) Und d'Gfaar.)

fortunately, - have the impression now that - have no secrets anymore respectively - forget them. (- have forgotten them, - only realized it when - wrote the same sentence in Swiss German) / - han jetzt dä iidruck, dass - kai ghaimnis mee han reschpektive dass - si vägässä han.

Now, everybody ("everybody") begins slightly to "demüätlän". Things are going slow at the moment, also at my place.

A new idea (what to do in an emergency), but - must not tell (nothing bad, don't worry).

Amendem of 2012-07-09, 12:18h: The continuation of this blog is at http://secondblog4.blogspot.ch/2012/06/2012-06-15.html#!/2012/06/2012-06-15.html (at least - hope so because - have lost oversight when exactly which blog change occurred). but in this case, - remember well how - changed because of this strange electrical current moving through my brain and this was also the main reason why - immediately opened a new blog (because at that time, not everything from before was uploaded and - hesitated to upload it, but at the same time, - immediately needed a new blog respecctively a communication possibility in order to avoid that my brain would be "überlastett" by the sudden currenct (a connection between .. and ..?, as - hoped). End of the amendment of 2012-07-09.