16:40h - 17:01h:
My primary homepage http://www.lukasgirtanner.com (and with it my blog at http://lukasgirtanner.com/index.php?title=Lukas_Girtanner%27s_blog ) is online again. The issue was resolved very quickly. The support staff explained to me that the reason why lukasgirtanner.com went down was that something with the versions of the software went wrong in March 2013.
Now, I still have to think about how to move the page from lukasgirtanner.com to lukasgirtanner.info. No idea how to do that, I tried it already once, but it didn't work out. I am also not sure who to ask, somebody from the hosting company or the domain registrar staff?
I also found the website http://billgaede.hubpages.com (via http://www.yourwebsite.com/www.lukasgirtanner.com/, and this page probably after a Google search for the keyword "lukasgirtanner.com", but I am unsure, I couldn't repeat the search). What Bill Gaede writes (I read the article about teacher authority and technology (and even intelligence) as a problem not as a solution) is certainly interesting and I will try to develop an own opinion of it. I already began writing about it, but it is better to think/reflect first after having read something as new as this criticism of the mathematical method in physics. But I will almost certainly not be able to move beyond any speculation how this issue might be resolved.
Wednesday, July 31, 2013
Tuesday, July 30, 2013
2013-07-30
15:05h - 15:08h: I just logged into my hosting account and got the message that the server that hosts my account is experiencing problems at this moment. I hope that the server will be running again soon. Maybe I will have to write a support ticket, but I am waiting until tomorrow, maybe the problems are resolved until tomorrow.
15:08h - 15:12h: I also discovered today in the Wikipedia (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mathematics_education and especially its section "Methods") that there are several paradigms of teaching mathematics, so it is disputed which is the best way to teach mathematics. Maybe all of these approaches have their advantages and it would be best to simply teach much more mathematics so that the advantages of all paradigms can improve the mathematical knowledge of children. One should also not forget that some children might prefer one method over the other, so a certain degree of individualization might also be necessary (which again shows the importance of self-tuition with software that should cover the whole range of paradigms).
15:59h - 16:03h: Also an issue is the copyright. I will have to think again about the copyright, especially after I today read the page http://wiki.creativecommons.org/Before_Licensing and especially the section "What if I change my mind?" when I realized that it is not possible to retroactively change such a license. One problem is whether to allow modifications (and if yes, how exactly (providing the original source too)), another (financial) issue is whether any copyright should be granted at all (apart from sufficiently short quotations). Until now, I thought that it would be possible to revoke a copyright too, but this is not possible as I have read now. Maybe, the best idea is to additionally host all content on free websites too, so that the likelihood that they are once lost is reduced (compared to hosting them only on a paid website). A special case might be the Internet archive that possibly needs a clear copyright situation to make an archive copy of a website (This was also the reason why I bumped into that issue again, because I did a Google search on "lukasgirtannercom" and found the tag "unknowncopyright".) but I would have to inform myself first about it. But what I am certainly aware of is that copyrighting my own texts would probably seem really dislikable for a lot of people. It might also be an obstacle to the spread of my ideas. Again, I am open for suggestions what in my particular case would be best, I am not sure myself at the moment.
16:21h - 16:25h: I just realized that on June 2nd, 2013, Archive.org tried to access the website, but because the server was down, no content could be retrieved. That's a pity because I was really looking forward to get my content into this archive, especially since these visits by the Archive.org's Wayback Machine were so rare. So I can only hope that the database itself will not be lost, maybe I can copy the pages manually after the website goes online again, at least until there is another (probably automatic) visit by the Wayback Machine.
16:28h - 16:40h: So, in terms of copyright, it is probably best to switch to a conventional copyright except for archiving websites like Archive.org (and, of course, search engines), at least as long as I have no conversations at all with real people about my website and how to improve/clarify/specify its copyright. Maybe it would then be best to bilaterally define a copyright. Or is that too complicated and unjust (some kind of "oppressive contract" (sorry for the word))? I am not sure. But in any case, it is best to wait for people to message me. And as long that this doesn't happen, I will probably stick to a conventional copyright as it is. As long as quoting (not too long) and especially commenting on such quotes is still possible, I would/should be content. And if long(er) quotes (for longer comments) are necessary respectively make sense, I could still agree respectively negotiate after having been contacted.
16:41h - 16:44h: Sorry that this copyright sermon has become so long. If people tell me that I am on the wrong track with my ideas about copyright, I would be willing to adapt to their wishes. But personal contact is essential, in my opinion, both generally and also specifically in the context of defining the best form of copyright.
16:44h - 16:59h: There was an interruption when uploading the text ("An error occurred while trying to save or publish you post. Please try again."). Possibly exactly because I wrote too much and possibly also not likable enough about the issue of copyright. Maybe it was because of the word "oppressive contract". Oppression is never good, I will have to write about that in a more general political context (the reason why I have stayed relatively silent so far is that a lot of people have already written about it (the general political issues like animal rights, migrant rights, worker's rights, indigenous rights, gender equality, LBGTIQ rights, children's rights, human rights, just to name a few spontaneously (the order is a little bit chaotic, I remembered it in this order, but actually, children's rights and human rights should immediately be listed after "animal rights"; possibly "plant rights" should also be listed, maybe even more lifeforms, all lifeforms, at least if not even more; "disability rights" I forgot, and possibly more, equality of people regardless of their looks ("anti-lookism"), racial equality, and so on; but on the other hand, I am also aware that people have duties, for example trying to contribute as much as possible in a positive way to the community one is in)) and that it is clear anyway, if you are a decent human being, you are against any sort of oppression (but I have to admit that probably still in 2010, I was not aware of that, at least not enough.)). So, no oppressive contract, definitely not... So, as far as oppression is concerned, the question is how to accept that some people are oppressing other people and, most importantly, not to be or become one of the oppressors oneself, also not on a small scale; stick to one's own strict rules. This is exactly my problem at the moment and I am really concerned with it: I am eating meat. Yes, I am (still) eating meat and this is really, really wrong, especially after one has realized how wrong it is, but I am still doing it because my mother cooks/offers/buys it and as long as I am living with my mother, it is (too) difficult to saying no. So, maybe I should hurry to finally live among people who don't eat meat. But where to go? Maybe in the next big city, there are people who live as correctly as possible, but how to get a place to stay at them constantly, they have probably not enough room. So, again, I have to think about the copyright because maybe that's really a mistake of still (respectively again) have such a strict copyright, but I can be talked with, it is possible to influence me, especially in this regard, and actually, I already now see that my present copyright stance might be really wrong.
17:12h: What I forgot was discrimination based on religion, origin, (nationality,) age, occupational status and way of living (for example nomadic or homeless lifestyles), wealth or the whole issue of unjust privileges of the long-established (from which I am profiting also a lot, otherwise, I wouldn't have such a high governmental pension, this is an unwritten rule, especially in the country I am living in, but probably everywhere, but that's actually another topic because in some way, I am also really disabled, I was just lucky enough to be born and grow up in the right country). There are so many ways of treating people let alone animals (and plants) in an unjust way. But the most important thing is to individually try to make a positive difference, not (only) to become set (too much) on injustices, but to change to the more positive what is within one's reach/limits. And that is exactly what I have to work on, where I am particularly bad. Writing on a website is not enough, it is a really one-sided contribution, so I (will) have to contribute also more concretely to the community I am in. (I have concrete ideas of engaging myself more in the community I am in (working something, connecting to people, not being as isolated as I am now) and this makes also sense from the viewpoint that writing on this (or another) website will one day not make much sense anymore because so much will have been said/written.)
17:42h - 17:52h (and also later on, I didn't write down the exact time, it was probably around 21:30h until 22:00h because my mother returned; and then again at around 22:30h until 23:00h approximately):
Maybe I will start my biography now, it is about time, I always announced (but also constantly postponed) it:
1979: Born in November 1979.
1979 - 1996: A relatively happy and well-cared / looked after childhood, at least materially, I was a relatively spoiled child (but without any computer science or electrical engineering or mathematics tuition besides what school offered), and also emotionally, things could have been worse. In summer 1993, I began to attend the gymnasium (also called "cantonal school" or "middle school"). After summer 1995, I had to choose a profile and I chose the profile with ancient European languages, Latin and Old Greek.
1996 - 2000: Gradually increasing but never outspoken discontent with my life. During these years (probably between 1997 or 1998 and 1999), I also attended a course in astrology together with my mother which I concluded as a qualified astrologer. (This diploma also enabled me to write a newspaper article about astrology that can still be found on the Internet (in German language).)
January 2000: Concluding the cantonal school with the matura with the final examination which I passed with a very good grade. The mean of all my marks that were counting was 5.77 (out of a range of 6 for the best possible mark and 1 for the worst mark). But at the same time, I was relatively burnt out. Had the gymnasium lasted much longer, the inner problems that I already had would probably have erupted more and more. But the gymnasium ended and everything seemed fine and in order on the outside, although probably some teachers were still aware that I had changed somehow and that I was no longer the lighthearted boy or youngster (early teenager) that I once was. What especially preoccupied me was my self-perceived lack of success at the opposite sex to which I was attracted. What aggravated the situation was that I was relatively selective (but more about that later).
2000 - 2004: Intermittently trying to study several subjects at various universities. Increasingly dissatisfied, increasingly outspoken at least in my family about my problems, attending sessions at several psychiatrists since 2000; first website (a very naive, political website, just from the perspective that I had then) in 2003 and 2004.
2004: Some health problems (that seemed more serious) for the first time, interruption of my university studies in April 2004 (until 2006), first stay in a psychiatric hospital in November 2004, refusal to take antipsychotic medication (which the hospital staff allowed/granted because my behavior was not clearly what is called "psychotic").
2004 - 2006: Complete interruption of my university studies after health problems aggravate even more in January 2005.
2006: Second website, writing of the website philosowiki.org with ideas that in modified form I still partially have, but still very immature and also latently antisocial; no awareness of the importance of mathematics, no awareness of the importance of restricting one's own desires and wishes.
2006 - 2010: Further attempts to study at the university, coming to an end in March 2010, first computer science courses at the university (and also successfully concluding four of them).
Between March and May 2009, I made the acquaintance with a very important person at the university, I will have to write a lot about this encounter (whose name I will not / cannot reveal/name/mention). This person was probably involved at a later stage behind the scenes and the conversation with this person was also instrumental in my becoming focused on mathematics. All in all, this person probably had a very good and necessary influence on my life (until now).
2010: After aggravated health problems in March 2010, I encountered for the first time people who I didn't know and who didn't fit into the surroundings were they were (very close to where I lived) but who were clearly there because of me (in May 2010); writing of the third website lukasgirtanner.com in May and June 2010 under considerable stress and the impression that intelligence agencies were closely monitoring me (which was probably indeed the case, but I misinterpreted it; retrospectively, I would assess the situation slightly differently than then; again, I probably have to be lucky to have been in the right country), while still being only very remotely aware of the true extent of environmental destruction and injustices among humans; still not fully aware of the importance of mathematics and the complex interconnection of mathematics with the natural sciences and engineering (and also personally being not humble at all), so I made again mistakes when writing the page lukasgirtanner.com, this page was written at least partially with a wrong spirit initially (but still, on the other hand, I really genuinely "believed" in mathematics in a very strong way, this is especially retrospectively really astonishing).
2011 - 2012 / 2013: to be continued (but in short, in summer 2011, my imagination began to truly "take off" and this feeling only subsided after several stays in a psychiatric hospital, including taking high doses of antipsychotics.) Amendment between 23:29h and 23:43h: In summer 2011, I began to feel an overwhelming love energy, combined with truly intrinsic regret about my attitudes in the past and this love energy increased from day to day. From around September 20 (I have to look up the exact date, it was a Saturday), I began even to have the impression that my thoughts are transmitted to some kind of hidden/unknown "love network" of people that was around me whose goal was to bring humanity back on the right track. This love feeling ended after the first week of October 2011, but repercussions of it continued until the end of December 2011 and also for one last time in the second half of June 2012 (this was also the time when I continued writing on this blog here, see the entries below) which lead to another stay in a psychiatric hospital, the last so far. (In September 2012, a very unfortunate incident happened when I was cycling, I inhaled a lot of motorcycle exhaust fumes which seriously affected my brain, I have lost the sharpness of my memory since then.) Since summer 2012, I have (again, like in 2011) spent a lot of time reading news websites in order to inform myself how the world "works" and also in order to consolidate my worldview. I hope that this worldview won't change anymore from now on, but I am not sure. But I am certainly aware of the importance of personal ethics and trying to avoid damaging any other lifeforms or entities in life (because of that, I also again see the importance of mathematics because it is a purely non-material science) and my personal ethics has consolidated in this regard, partially already because of the love experience in 2011 (and also second half of June 2012, although the love energy was a little bit weaker than still in 2011) where my inner attitudes changed in a stressful but pleasant (love is very pleasant, although it might be painful too and in my case, it was almost always accompanied by sad/regretting/longing emotions) way and also by reading news websites. So, a lot of parentheses, I hope I will be able to write about this time soon in more depth. End of the amendment between 23:29h and 23:43h.
This biography will become/turn out relatively long because I will be writing on it whenever I remember something. (The biography is also important to understand why I am focused so much on mathematics despite not being a mathematician and never having studied the subject in depth at a university). I will write down everything that I still remember (and I have forgotten a lot, too much, but without having forgotten so much, it would probably not be possible to begin to write anything). The most important point is probably that I am in some way a very simple person of limited intelligence that is not able to represent the importance of mathematics education and that even at least one other person was needed to make sufficiently clear to me the importance of mathematics.
(My mother wanted me to go eating the food she cooked, so I had to interrupt my writing at my biography at some point, and continued later on in the first part of the biography. There will probably be a short version of my biography and a long one, with all details that I still remember. It's a pity that the intermediate steps are not saved here as it is the case in a wiki.)
15:08h - 15:12h: I also discovered today in the Wikipedia (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mathematics_education and especially its section "Methods") that there are several paradigms of teaching mathematics, so it is disputed which is the best way to teach mathematics. Maybe all of these approaches have their advantages and it would be best to simply teach much more mathematics so that the advantages of all paradigms can improve the mathematical knowledge of children. One should also not forget that some children might prefer one method over the other, so a certain degree of individualization might also be necessary (which again shows the importance of self-tuition with software that should cover the whole range of paradigms).
15:59h - 16:03h: Also an issue is the copyright. I will have to think again about the copyright, especially after I today read the page http://wiki.creativecommons.org/Before_Licensing and especially the section "What if I change my mind?" when I realized that it is not possible to retroactively change such a license. One problem is whether to allow modifications (and if yes, how exactly (providing the original source too)), another (financial) issue is whether any copyright should be granted at all (apart from sufficiently short quotations). Until now, I thought that it would be possible to revoke a copyright too, but this is not possible as I have read now. Maybe, the best idea is to additionally host all content on free websites too, so that the likelihood that they are once lost is reduced (compared to hosting them only on a paid website). A special case might be the Internet archive that possibly needs a clear copyright situation to make an archive copy of a website (This was also the reason why I bumped into that issue again, because I did a Google search on "lukasgirtannercom" and found the tag "unknowncopyright".) but I would have to inform myself first about it. But what I am certainly aware of is that copyrighting my own texts would probably seem really dislikable for a lot of people. It might also be an obstacle to the spread of my ideas. Again, I am open for suggestions what in my particular case would be best, I am not sure myself at the moment.
16:21h - 16:25h: I just realized that on June 2nd, 2013, Archive.org tried to access the website, but because the server was down, no content could be retrieved. That's a pity because I was really looking forward to get my content into this archive, especially since these visits by the Archive.org's Wayback Machine were so rare. So I can only hope that the database itself will not be lost, maybe I can copy the pages manually after the website goes online again, at least until there is another (probably automatic) visit by the Wayback Machine.
16:28h - 16:40h: So, in terms of copyright, it is probably best to switch to a conventional copyright except for archiving websites like Archive.org (and, of course, search engines), at least as long as I have no conversations at all with real people about my website and how to improve/clarify/specify its copyright. Maybe it would then be best to bilaterally define a copyright. Or is that too complicated and unjust (some kind of "oppressive contract" (sorry for the word))? I am not sure. But in any case, it is best to wait for people to message me. And as long that this doesn't happen, I will probably stick to a conventional copyright as it is. As long as quoting (not too long) and especially commenting on such quotes is still possible, I would/should be content. And if long(er) quotes (for longer comments) are necessary respectively make sense, I could still agree respectively negotiate after having been contacted.
16:41h - 16:44h: Sorry that this copyright sermon has become so long. If people tell me that I am on the wrong track with my ideas about copyright, I would be willing to adapt to their wishes. But personal contact is essential, in my opinion, both generally and also specifically in the context of defining the best form of copyright.
16:44h - 16:59h: There was an interruption when uploading the text ("An error occurred while trying to save or publish you post. Please try again."). Possibly exactly because I wrote too much and possibly also not likable enough about the issue of copyright. Maybe it was because of the word "oppressive contract". Oppression is never good, I will have to write about that in a more general political context (the reason why I have stayed relatively silent so far is that a lot of people have already written about it (the general political issues like animal rights, migrant rights, worker's rights, indigenous rights, gender equality, LBGTIQ rights, children's rights, human rights, just to name a few spontaneously (the order is a little bit chaotic, I remembered it in this order, but actually, children's rights and human rights should immediately be listed after "animal rights"; possibly "plant rights" should also be listed, maybe even more lifeforms, all lifeforms, at least if not even more; "disability rights" I forgot, and possibly more, equality of people regardless of their looks ("anti-lookism"), racial equality, and so on; but on the other hand, I am also aware that people have duties, for example trying to contribute as much as possible in a positive way to the community one is in)) and that it is clear anyway, if you are a decent human being, you are against any sort of oppression (but I have to admit that probably still in 2010, I was not aware of that, at least not enough.)). So, no oppressive contract, definitely not... So, as far as oppression is concerned, the question is how to accept that some people are oppressing other people and, most importantly, not to be or become one of the oppressors oneself, also not on a small scale; stick to one's own strict rules. This is exactly my problem at the moment and I am really concerned with it: I am eating meat. Yes, I am (still) eating meat and this is really, really wrong, especially after one has realized how wrong it is, but I am still doing it because my mother cooks/offers/buys it and as long as I am living with my mother, it is (too) difficult to saying no. So, maybe I should hurry to finally live among people who don't eat meat. But where to go? Maybe in the next big city, there are people who live as correctly as possible, but how to get a place to stay at them constantly, they have probably not enough room. So, again, I have to think about the copyright because maybe that's really a mistake of still (respectively again) have such a strict copyright, but I can be talked with, it is possible to influence me, especially in this regard, and actually, I already now see that my present copyright stance might be really wrong.
17:12h: What I forgot was discrimination based on religion, origin, (nationality,) age, occupational status and way of living (for example nomadic or homeless lifestyles), wealth or the whole issue of unjust privileges of the long-established (from which I am profiting also a lot, otherwise, I wouldn't have such a high governmental pension, this is an unwritten rule, especially in the country I am living in, but probably everywhere, but that's actually another topic because in some way, I am also really disabled, I was just lucky enough to be born and grow up in the right country). There are so many ways of treating people let alone animals (and plants) in an unjust way. But the most important thing is to individually try to make a positive difference, not (only) to become set (too much) on injustices, but to change to the more positive what is within one's reach/limits. And that is exactly what I have to work on, where I am particularly bad. Writing on a website is not enough, it is a really one-sided contribution, so I (will) have to contribute also more concretely to the community I am in. (I have concrete ideas of engaging myself more in the community I am in (working something, connecting to people, not being as isolated as I am now) and this makes also sense from the viewpoint that writing on this (or another) website will one day not make much sense anymore because so much will have been said/written.)
17:42h - 17:52h (and also later on, I didn't write down the exact time, it was probably around 21:30h until 22:00h because my mother returned; and then again at around 22:30h until 23:00h approximately):
Maybe I will start my biography now, it is about time, I always announced (but also constantly postponed) it:
1979: Born in November 1979.
1979 - 1996: A relatively happy and well-cared / looked after childhood, at least materially, I was a relatively spoiled child (but without any computer science or electrical engineering or mathematics tuition besides what school offered), and also emotionally, things could have been worse. In summer 1993, I began to attend the gymnasium (also called "cantonal school" or "middle school"). After summer 1995, I had to choose a profile and I chose the profile with ancient European languages, Latin and Old Greek.
1996 - 2000: Gradually increasing but never outspoken discontent with my life. During these years (probably between 1997 or 1998 and 1999), I also attended a course in astrology together with my mother which I concluded as a qualified astrologer. (This diploma also enabled me to write a newspaper article about astrology that can still be found on the Internet (in German language).)
January 2000: Concluding the cantonal school with the matura with the final examination which I passed with a very good grade. The mean of all my marks that were counting was 5.77 (out of a range of 6 for the best possible mark and 1 for the worst mark). But at the same time, I was relatively burnt out. Had the gymnasium lasted much longer, the inner problems that I already had would probably have erupted more and more. But the gymnasium ended and everything seemed fine and in order on the outside, although probably some teachers were still aware that I had changed somehow and that I was no longer the lighthearted boy or youngster (early teenager) that I once was. What especially preoccupied me was my self-perceived lack of success at the opposite sex to which I was attracted. What aggravated the situation was that I was relatively selective (but more about that later).
2000 - 2004: Intermittently trying to study several subjects at various universities. Increasingly dissatisfied, increasingly outspoken at least in my family about my problems, attending sessions at several psychiatrists since 2000; first website (a very naive, political website, just from the perspective that I had then) in 2003 and 2004.
2004: Some health problems (that seemed more serious) for the first time, interruption of my university studies in April 2004 (until 2006), first stay in a psychiatric hospital in November 2004, refusal to take antipsychotic medication (which the hospital staff allowed/granted because my behavior was not clearly what is called "psychotic").
2004 - 2006: Complete interruption of my university studies after health problems aggravate even more in January 2005.
2006: Second website, writing of the website philosowiki.org with ideas that in modified form I still partially have, but still very immature and also latently antisocial; no awareness of the importance of mathematics, no awareness of the importance of restricting one's own desires and wishes.
2006 - 2010: Further attempts to study at the university, coming to an end in March 2010, first computer science courses at the university (and also successfully concluding four of them).
Between March and May 2009, I made the acquaintance with a very important person at the university, I will have to write a lot about this encounter (whose name I will not / cannot reveal/name/mention). This person was probably involved at a later stage behind the scenes and the conversation with this person was also instrumental in my becoming focused on mathematics. All in all, this person probably had a very good and necessary influence on my life (until now).
2010: After aggravated health problems in March 2010, I encountered for the first time people who I didn't know and who didn't fit into the surroundings were they were (very close to where I lived) but who were clearly there because of me (in May 2010); writing of the third website lukasgirtanner.com in May and June 2010 under considerable stress and the impression that intelligence agencies were closely monitoring me (which was probably indeed the case, but I misinterpreted it; retrospectively, I would assess the situation slightly differently than then; again, I probably have to be lucky to have been in the right country), while still being only very remotely aware of the true extent of environmental destruction and injustices among humans; still not fully aware of the importance of mathematics and the complex interconnection of mathematics with the natural sciences and engineering (and also personally being not humble at all), so I made again mistakes when writing the page lukasgirtanner.com, this page was written at least partially with a wrong spirit initially (but still, on the other hand, I really genuinely "believed" in mathematics in a very strong way, this is especially retrospectively really astonishing).
2011 - 2012 / 2013: to be continued (but in short, in summer 2011, my imagination began to truly "take off" and this feeling only subsided after several stays in a psychiatric hospital, including taking high doses of antipsychotics.) Amendment between 23:29h and 23:43h: In summer 2011, I began to feel an overwhelming love energy, combined with truly intrinsic regret about my attitudes in the past and this love energy increased from day to day. From around September 20 (I have to look up the exact date, it was a Saturday), I began even to have the impression that my thoughts are transmitted to some kind of hidden/unknown "love network" of people that was around me whose goal was to bring humanity back on the right track. This love feeling ended after the first week of October 2011, but repercussions of it continued until the end of December 2011 and also for one last time in the second half of June 2012 (this was also the time when I continued writing on this blog here, see the entries below) which lead to another stay in a psychiatric hospital, the last so far. (In September 2012, a very unfortunate incident happened when I was cycling, I inhaled a lot of motorcycle exhaust fumes which seriously affected my brain, I have lost the sharpness of my memory since then.) Since summer 2012, I have (again, like in 2011) spent a lot of time reading news websites in order to inform myself how the world "works" and also in order to consolidate my worldview. I hope that this worldview won't change anymore from now on, but I am not sure. But I am certainly aware of the importance of personal ethics and trying to avoid damaging any other lifeforms or entities in life (because of that, I also again see the importance of mathematics because it is a purely non-material science) and my personal ethics has consolidated in this regard, partially already because of the love experience in 2011 (and also second half of June 2012, although the love energy was a little bit weaker than still in 2011) where my inner attitudes changed in a stressful but pleasant (love is very pleasant, although it might be painful too and in my case, it was almost always accompanied by sad/regretting/longing emotions) way and also by reading news websites. So, a lot of parentheses, I hope I will be able to write about this time soon in more depth. End of the amendment between 23:29h and 23:43h.
This biography will become/turn out relatively long because I will be writing on it whenever I remember something. (The biography is also important to understand why I am focused so much on mathematics despite not being a mathematician and never having studied the subject in depth at a university). I will write down everything that I still remember (and I have forgotten a lot, too much, but without having forgotten so much, it would probably not be possible to begin to write anything). The most important point is probably that I am in some way a very simple person of limited intelligence that is not able to represent the importance of mathematics education and that even at least one other person was needed to make sufficiently clear to me the importance of mathematics.
(My mother wanted me to go eating the food she cooked, so I had to interrupt my writing at my biography at some point, and continued later on in the first part of the biography. There will probably be a short version of my biography and a long one, with all details that I still remember. It's a pity that the intermediate steps are not saved here as it is the case in a wiki.)
Monday, July 29, 2013
2013-07-29
Blog of 29th of July 2013:
(These first sections were written approximately between 6 PM and 7 PM:)
I have to pull myself together and finally/at last continue to write on lukasgirtanner.com (respectively under the new domain lukasgirtanner.info). I am aware that my website lukasgirtanner.com has been inaccessible for several months. I was unable to look after this issue. The only thing that I did was to check whether the database still exists and it still exists, so I was reassured. In the next days, I will have to find out how to reactivate my website lukasgirtanner.com, possibly under the new domain lukasgirtanner.info (which I already own). I will also have to find out how I can change the title of this blog here so that the current year (2013) is included too. But as soon as my main website is online again, I will continue to write my blog there. Very important will be that I re-focus on mathematics. The other "supernatural stuff" and my biography (which I still will have to write) might have to be separated as much as possible from it.
(These first sections were written approximately between 6 PM and 7 PM:)
I have to pull myself together and finally/at last continue to write on lukasgirtanner.com (respectively under the new domain lukasgirtanner.info). I am aware that my website lukasgirtanner.com has been inaccessible for several months. I was unable to look after this issue. The only thing that I did was to check whether the database still exists and it still exists, so I was reassured. In the next days, I will have to find out how to reactivate my website lukasgirtanner.com, possibly under the new domain lukasgirtanner.info (which I already own). I will also have to find out how I can change the title of this blog here so that the current year (2013) is included too. But as soon as my main website is online again, I will continue to write my blog there. Very important will be that I re-focus on mathematics. The other "supernatural stuff" and my biography (which I still will have to write) might have to be separated as much as possible from it.
I also have to be enormously grateful for the huge amount of governmental money (I will have to check how much it exactly is, it is around 3500 Swiss francs every month, all in all, but one has to take into account that living costs are also high here) keeps coming/rolling in every month because of my disability pension. Because of this money, I can stay at my mother's home because I can pay her the rent. (The diagnosis onto which the disability allowance is based is "paranoid schizophrenia", but I am unsure if the term "schizophrenia" really applies to me respectively whether such terms such be applied at all to any person. The only fact is that I have heard voices and I still hear them occasionally, but why should this automatically mean that one is abnormal in some distinct or clearly definable way? But still, I am really grateful for the money (disability allowance/benefit) that I receive. (The text in the parentheses was added between 19:36h and 19:41h.))
I am also aware that I probably gave the impression of being quite an unreliable person because I didn't immediately hurry to put my website lukasgirtanner.com back on the Internet after it went offline. Furthermore, I also didn't hurry to make at least one explanatory statement here why my website was offline. The reason for that was that I was simply too much depressed and also in some way overwhelmed by the insight how much my worldview has changed in the last years, so I didn't want to make a mistake by writing again something that I later on would regret or at least no longer advocate.
Also a possibility might be to change the name of "babieslearnbetter" to "lukasgirtannersblog" or "blogoflukasgirtanner" or simply "lukasgirtanner". Unless I am mistaken, it is (or it has now become) possible to retrospectively change the subdomain (what is written to the left of the actual domain name "blogger.com").
Also a reason why I didn't restore the website lukasgirtanner.com immediately was that I felt quite alone (and demotivated) because I never received any spontaneous e-mail so far about my website and also the Facebook group https://www.facebook.com/lukasgirtannercom that I founded in March 2012 still has not any followers/"likes" yet (except my own "like"). So, I was not sure whether respectively to what extent people read what I write and also if what I have written makes at least some sense to the readers. (The last sentence in this section here and two words in the first sentence were added later in the evening, between around 22:00h and 22:03h.)
I am also looking forward for the new Lego Mindstorms robots (Lego Mindstorms Education EV3) that will soon be available. I will probably buy one set and try to do robotics with it.
Additional note (19:04h): I just changed the name/title of this blog here and added "and July 2013" at the title's ending (after I found out how to do it).
Additional note (19:06h): My mother has just realized that I have continued writing on my blog and she is not delighted at all. For a couple of minutes, she was ranting at me, and now, she is upstairs cooking dinner. She would prefer if I focused more on continuing my university studies which I only do half-heartedly (she would prefer that I do it full-heartedly). At the moment, it is also unclear which studies I should exactly follow: Either, I try to pass the exam that I failed in June 2012 a second time, or I change my major subject to educational science and/or I begin studies at a distance university, then probably educational science.
But still, what I would really like to do is an education that is practically oriented on how to teach best the subjects of computer science and electrical engineering (and possibly mathematics) to children. But such an education (academic training) unfortunately is not available, at least not in Europe let alone in the German-speaking part of Europe (where university fees are also low enough to be affordable). But now, I again wrote about this university stuff, I should write more about what really interests me (although my mother wants me to focus on a university education exclusively, so I will have to make a compromise).
Additional note (19:21h - 19:28h): My heart is no aching a little bit and I have a strange feeling in my head, as if I had something like a mini-stroke. This feeling began after my mother began to scold me. This strange feeling at the moment in my head (I hope that it will subside) just shows in what a frail state my health really is. (The reason why this strange feeling in my heart and head began was also that I had not drunken enough water, so my heart was more prone to reacting like that.) By the way, I have also become heavily overweight in the last months, unfortunately, I weigh 94 kilograms (207 pounds/lb) at the moment. I will have to think how I can lose weight in the future. My mother has urged me that I attend nutrition counseling and I will do that. The most effective way of losing weight is probably just to eat a lot less and remain constantly a little bit hungry. Unfortunately, I was not disciplined enough in the past, so I always overate. This is also in some way a sign of a weakness of character from which I unfortunately suffer.
19:28h - 19:30h: But I am grateful that I am at least still able to write in English, this is no a matter of course, especially after such a long break. Initially, I was unsure if I would be really able to write in English in the way I was still able in 2006 and 2010, but it seems to be in good working order.
19:33h - 19:35h: I just realized that I had written a wrong title for today's blog entry, it was "2013-07-13" instead of "2013-07-29" in the beginning, I don't know why it happened, I have corrected it now.
21:07h - 21:11h: I just moved this blog here from the old/previous address http://www.babieslearnbetter.blogspot.com to this new address here, http://www.lukasgirtannersblog.blogspot.com. It was about high time. Actually, I wanted to move to "lukasgirtanner.blogspot.com", but this address was already occupied (by another blog of mine). I might move this blog here again, switch with the other "lukasgirtanner", but this has time. Yes, I will probably move/switch the two blogs because "...blog.blogspot" on my main blog looks a little bit awkward. (And "babieslearnbetter" should really by reserved for educational issues and not my personal blog.)
21:23h - 21:25h: I now switched the two blog URLs/addresses. The main blog (this blog here) (although, actually, my main blog would be under lukasgirtanner.com, but I will have to bring this website online first) has now the address lukasgirtanner.blogspot.com, while the previous address (that was never used) lukasgirtannersblog.blogspot.com is now just reserved as a blog subdomain, but without any entries/pages.
21:47h - 21:54h: I have now copy-pasted text that I found at https://www.facebook.com/lukasgirtannercom onto the page babieslearnbetter.blogspot.com, this seems to make sense especially as long as the page lukasgirtanner.com (respectively hopefully lukasgirtanner.info) is still offline. I have also realized that the page https://www.facebook.com/lukasgirtannercom is not among the search results for "lukas girtanner facebook", probably because lukasgirtannercom is written in one single word and it is not recognized/connected as a "lukas girtanner" topic. Maybe I will try "lukas-girtanner-info" when I open the new community page for the .info-website.
Ich muss mich jetzt zusammenreissen und endlich wieder an meiner Webseite lukasgirtanner.com weiterschreiben (bzw. unter meiner neuen Domain lukasgirtanner.info). Das einzige, was ich bislang tat, war, zu überprüfen, ob die MySQL-Datenbank, welche das Mediawiki unter lukasgirtanner.com hostet, immer noch existiert und die Datenbank existiert immer noch, zum Glück. Ich muss dann auch noch herausfinden, wie ich diesen Titel "Lukas Girtanner's blog of 2011 - 2012" ändern kann. Ich möchte mich auch sehr für das viele Geld bedanken, welches ich jeden Monat von der Invalidenversicherung erhalte, ungefähr 3500 Franken, die genaue Summe müsste ich nochmals nachschauen bzw. die genaue Summer schreibe ich hier auch nicht hin, auch wenn ich sie weiss.
What I have been doing all these days (during several months):
- taking medication every day (I partially switched to Abilify, so I am taking Zyprexa and Abilify at the moment)
- browsing websites, especially the websites of newspapers (in German and English) in order to understand the world better
- lying in bed a lot also during daytime (too much, this has to change again)
- thinking a lot how to (re)start my website and what to write there
I am also aware that I probably gave the impression of being quite an unreliable person because I didn't immediately hurry to put my website lukasgirtanner.com back on the Internet after it went offline. Furthermore, I also didn't hurry to make at least one explanatory statement here why my website was offline. The reason for that was that I was simply too much depressed and also in some way overwhelmed by the insight how much my worldview has changed in the last years, so I didn't want to make a mistake by writing again something that I later on would regret or at least no longer advocate.
Also a possibility might be to change the name of "babieslearnbetter" to "lukasgirtannersblog" or "blogoflukasgirtanner" or simply "lukasgirtanner". Unless I am mistaken, it is (or it has now become) possible to retrospectively change the subdomain (what is written to the left of the actual domain name "blogger.com").
Also a reason why I didn't restore the website lukasgirtanner.com immediately was that I felt quite alone (and demotivated) because I never received any spontaneous e-mail so far about my website and also the Facebook group https://www.facebook.com/lukasgirtannercom that I founded in March 2012 still has not any followers/"likes" yet (except my own "like"). So, I was not sure whether respectively to what extent people read what I write and also if what I have written makes at least some sense to the readers. (The last sentence in this section here and two words in the first sentence were added later in the evening, between around 22:00h and 22:03h.)
I am also looking forward for the new Lego Mindstorms robots (Lego Mindstorms Education EV3) that will soon be available. I will probably buy one set and try to do robotics with it.
Additional note (19:04h): I just changed the name/title of this blog here and added "and July 2013" at the title's ending (after I found out how to do it).
Additional note (19:06h): My mother has just realized that I have continued writing on my blog and she is not delighted at all. For a couple of minutes, she was ranting at me, and now, she is upstairs cooking dinner. She would prefer if I focused more on continuing my university studies which I only do half-heartedly (she would prefer that I do it full-heartedly). At the moment, it is also unclear which studies I should exactly follow: Either, I try to pass the exam that I failed in June 2012 a second time, or I change my major subject to educational science and/or I begin studies at a distance university, then probably educational science.
But still, what I would really like to do is an education that is practically oriented on how to teach best the subjects of computer science and electrical engineering (and possibly mathematics) to children. But such an education (academic training) unfortunately is not available, at least not in Europe let alone in the German-speaking part of Europe (where university fees are also low enough to be affordable). But now, I again wrote about this university stuff, I should write more about what really interests me (although my mother wants me to focus on a university education exclusively, so I will have to make a compromise).
Additional note (19:21h - 19:28h): My heart is no aching a little bit and I have a strange feeling in my head, as if I had something like a mini-stroke. This feeling began after my mother began to scold me. This strange feeling at the moment in my head (I hope that it will subside) just shows in what a frail state my health really is. (The reason why this strange feeling in my heart and head began was also that I had not drunken enough water, so my heart was more prone to reacting like that.) By the way, I have also become heavily overweight in the last months, unfortunately, I weigh 94 kilograms (207 pounds/lb) at the moment. I will have to think how I can lose weight in the future. My mother has urged me that I attend nutrition counseling and I will do that. The most effective way of losing weight is probably just to eat a lot less and remain constantly a little bit hungry. Unfortunately, I was not disciplined enough in the past, so I always overate. This is also in some way a sign of a weakness of character from which I unfortunately suffer.
19:28h - 19:30h: But I am grateful that I am at least still able to write in English, this is no a matter of course, especially after such a long break. Initially, I was unsure if I would be really able to write in English in the way I was still able in 2006 and 2010, but it seems to be in good working order.
19:33h - 19:35h: I just realized that I had written a wrong title for today's blog entry, it was "2013-07-13" instead of "2013-07-29" in the beginning, I don't know why it happened, I have corrected it now.
21:07h - 21:11h: I just moved this blog here from the old/previous address http://www.babieslearnbetter.blogspot.com to this new address here, http://www.lukasgirtannersblog.blogspot.com. It was about high time. Actually, I wanted to move to "lukasgirtanner.blogspot.com", but this address was already occupied (by another blog of mine). I might move this blog here again, switch with the other "lukasgirtanner", but this has time. Yes, I will probably move/switch the two blogs because "...blog.blogspot" on my main blog looks a little bit awkward. (And "babieslearnbetter" should really by reserved for educational issues and not my personal blog.)
21:23h - 21:25h: I now switched the two blog URLs/addresses. The main blog (this blog here) (although, actually, my main blog would be under lukasgirtanner.com, but I will have to bring this website online first) has now the address lukasgirtanner.blogspot.com, while the previous address (that was never used) lukasgirtannersblog.blogspot.com is now just reserved as a blog subdomain, but without any entries/pages.
21:47h - 21:54h: I have now copy-pasted text that I found at https://www.facebook.com/lukasgirtannercom onto the page babieslearnbetter.blogspot.com, this seems to make sense especially as long as the page lukasgirtanner.com (respectively hopefully lukasgirtanner.info) is still offline. I have also realized that the page https://www.facebook.com/lukasgirtannercom is not among the search results for "lukas girtanner facebook", probably because lukasgirtannercom is written in one single word and it is not recognized/connected as a "lukas girtanner" topic. Maybe I will try "lukas-girtanner-info" when I open the new community page for the .info-website.
22:10h: What is really strange in some way is that I never (or at least not fully) read through what I wrote myself, especially not on http://www.lukasgirtanner.blogspot.com.
(Below follows the shortened version in German, only a small part (the beginning, actually) from the text above is translated respectively I began writing in German but switched to English afterwards, not writing on the German version anymore:)
(Below follows the shortened version in German, only a small part (the beginning, actually) from the text above is translated respectively I began writing in German but switched to English afterwards, not writing on the German version anymore:)
Ich muss mich jetzt zusammenreissen und endlich wieder an meiner Webseite lukasgirtanner.com weiterschreiben (bzw. unter meiner neuen Domain lukasgirtanner.info). Das einzige, was ich bislang tat, war, zu überprüfen, ob die MySQL-Datenbank, welche das Mediawiki unter lukasgirtanner.com hostet, immer noch existiert und die Datenbank existiert immer noch, zum Glück. Ich muss dann auch noch herausfinden, wie ich diesen Titel "Lukas Girtanner's blog of 2011 - 2012" ändern kann. Ich möchte mich auch sehr für das viele Geld bedanken, welches ich jeden Monat von der Invalidenversicherung erhalte, ungefähr 3500 Franken, die genaue Summe müsste ich nochmals nachschauen bzw. die genaue Summer schreibe ich hier auch nicht hin, auch wenn ich sie weiss.
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