2012-03-31

01:40h (effectively on 2012-03-31, subjective felt at the end of the 2012-03-30): - will continue to write on this blog here soon. - will especially have to get things done quickly / write the remaining stuff, especially on lukasgirtanner.com (- have written a lot on paper in the past days and especially today (Friday), - will need to write that on lukasgirtanner.com). - have been thinking a lot the past days or even almost weeks (and also forgotten a lot, also even this evening probably which - constantly have to come to terms with), and again, frequently, - have realized how arbitrary it is what - am actually writing and how arbitrary (beliebig) our lives (the lives of humans and possibly animals) might be or at least seem. Or is everything predetermined? (amendment on 03:25h: the usual thought is probably that one decides actively and freely what to do, so neither arbitrariness nor predetermination but a third case; in my case, it is more the feeling of being so concentrated ("on such a heavy duty" - wanted to write first, maybe also "under (intuitive) pressure") that - have lost the impression that - am actively deciding it and because of that, - did not think about this most natural case ("deciding") first; end of the amendment on 03:25h) That's quite a deep question, far too deep to be answered in the near future, if it will ever be answered. I don't like the word "deep" / - have problems with the word deep (risk of "humbleling" / demüetlä, respectively not precisely expressing what is actually meant), but in this case here, it is fits the situation. No, the problem is that the question if everything is predetermined can be tried to be answered on an intuitive level (and then, again, dependend on a particular situation) or on a physics level. The first is probably purely subjective (although - have increasingly the impression that - am not free in my decisions but "being lead" respectively not actually deciding, but this impression might be wrong, - am just trying as hard as - can to fulfill my duty, - am actually glad to very often feel like that because it shows that - am constantly trying to optimize my performance, serving l... and G-d (hopefully..., another big topic)) and the latter is probably so fundamental that nowadays (still extremely undeveloped, compared to what might be possible) physics is nowhere near the point to answer it. But it is impressive how much - am forgetting and what - still know/remember and what - actually write, it seems relatively arbitrary (this goes through my whole life for the past years), but the "main points" or "many of the main points" - will write (but even that seems arbitrary, at least partially, on an intermediate perspective/level).

01:45h: Really a pity is that - have now even more distance to the amazing time that - had in fall and partially early winter 2011 and - have forgotten even more about it, it is unclear how much - will be able to write about these unbelievably beautiful months at all.

02:23h: - have now finally uploaded it (respectively now on 02:43h). At the moment, - am continuously listenging to http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=loWXMtjUZWM. It was one of the two searched for melodies (the other one is not "retrieved"/found yet, - am waiting until - will hear it by chance) of fall/winter 2011, this melody did - hear on 18.12.2011 in the evening. Ultimately, everything is a quest of l... and - have already failed by not being able or quick enough to narrate what - felt/thought in fall 2011 (or - invent it respectively try to narrate it as closely as possible as it was but even that is difficult because so many details or even summarized topics are forgotten). Now, the only thing that is left for me is still, despite of having forgotten so much, follow the path of l... as much as - can. Are you here? - wish you (You) were here.

02:43h: So, in the coming days, - will continue on lukasgirtanner.com and write some additional remarks about early childhood education respectively learning environments for Babies (actually, babies, but because it is (might be, there are several aspects to it) also an ideological concept, Babies). And - will save the pages from lukasgirtanner.com here in this blog. And unfortunately very little about fall 2011 because of having forgotten so much... But - could still try to write a whole story about this time, but with a lot of details "invented" or only approximated to the original thoughts (and only a small selection of them).

03:27h: As soon as - have moved the content from lukasgirtanner.com to a free website (this blog here) as some kind of backup (which one should always do), - will feel more relieved (and less "on heavy duty" respectively what - will write from then onwards will be linear again and continously saved on the free website too).

03:31h-03:37h: Maybe, - overexaggerated with the expression of "being on heavy duty", - have probably just become so used to actively deciding (what to write down in the notes on paper or in the editor and which thought to follow next) constantly that - don't consider it as decisions anymore, but it is deciding. A little bit of relaxation and leaning back again might be a good idea. - simply have a certain degree of writing backlog (- am also still recovering from being shaken, although it seems to have improved now.) and it is also a good idea to have a backup of lukasgirtanner.com somewhere on a free website because - have only in the last days realized how (possibly) important and unique my ideas on lukasgirtanner.com really are or might be (and that - should also extend them).

03:37h: And - am constantly listening to this song "I wanna know what love is"..., this is really a melody or song (vocalization by a human, actually, - should (am inclined to) write Human) that expresses a longing for an unbelievable force/power, - wish - could sing (express my longing) like that.

03:48h-03:54h: Okay, the "how important" might be relativized, especially when another person might be developing similar thoughts in the future. And actually, the thoughts of every person should be considered important (and they are), in some way (but also generally? it probably depends on the context/"scope" (scope is again a problematic expression (because the secrets of l... might be much more complex than simply a question of scope)), maybe better area)) equally important.

05:16h: Most (or: a lot of) decisions happen subconsciously. And a lot of my/- writing happens seamless (at least the offline writing and now the online writing also again to a certain extent), - simply write what - think (provided the thinking is not in one of the phases where it is faster than my writing (both is also dependent on the mood)), when the writing is seamless, - have also not the impression that my/- thinking or writing is arbitrary or - at least realize it less.

The increased decision struggles in the beginning of this blog entry just arose because after the (very) long writing break/pause, - had to think a little bit more than usually what to write first.

- have realized that - might also have to change the title of my/- blog: "Dä Blog vom Schtrich" is a little bit too little understandable, furthermore, it could create a misunderstanding because in Swiss German, "Schtrich" means also something else as - have realized just an hour ago.